Sunday, July 31, 2005

Front Seat

For those of you traveling on vaccation: Shotgun Guide

Friday, July 29, 2005

Learner Earner

A site that I recently found, for someone who wants to learn and earn. Learner Earner
While it sound interesting and something I think is great idea, for me in my situation, I don't know if it would make sense. The ad says make starting $20,000. I don't know what the maximum a person can make as a loan officer. Would it be deemed proper Hishtadlus to take this course instead of going to college?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Interview By Shopaholic

Here is an interview from a someone who puts a smile to my face: Shopaholic

1)What does the term "a successful life" mean to you?

A successful life to me means being able to look back on my life and say what I did was correct and I know that I fulfilled my pontential that G-d has given me.

2)What is the ONE most important midah/ quality you're looking for in a wife?

Taking the question at face value, I don't look for ONE most important middah in a wife, I look for MANY good middos. I want her to be the best in everything. If you meant what is ONE important middah that I would want her to have to make her beloved to me above all other girls, and that I feel will compliment me the most is Gimilas Chasadim and Kindness. A girl who knows how to make everyone she is in contact with feel good and happy.

3)If you were stranded on an island, what one thing would you want to have with you?

This is kind of an open-ended question because I would have to know for how long, is there a chance of rescue, which island ect. However, to take the question at face value, I would say, a wife that knows Kol Hatorah Kulah and Survival skills (including of course, how to cook well) and is a good companion. I have heard people die more from loneliness on deserted islands and insanity than from lack of food.

4)Whats your worst habit?

My worst habit is procrastination and lack of emunah and bitachon, but I don't admit it, but sometimes I do.

5)What are the names and authors of 5 books that you can re-read over and over again.

Great question. This is hard to answer because there are so many books that are worthwhile to read over and over again. Each time gives a new understnading and perspective in life and growth. Here is a list that I came up with on the spur of the moment but by no means complete.

1) Tanach (throw in the Talmud as well): God
2)Sha'ari teshuvah L'Rabbenu Yona
3)Missilas Yesharim L' Rav Moshe Luzzato
4)Finding your spouse in 30 days by R' Feinhandler
(included in this, is any book by R' Pliskin, R' Avraham Tewerski, R' Avigodor Miller ect.)
5)What Color is your Parachute?Job Hunter

Game rules: Check previous posts.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Interview By The Lawyer Eli7

From the Lawyers Bench comes these tough questions from a budding lawyer at Columbia University: Eli7
1) Can you interview me?

Yes, and I did. ;)

2)What do you want to be when you grow up?

What makes you think I am not grown up?!!! I will attept to cover for your insult by saying a Rich Talmid Chacham.

3)What is your greatest failure?

Hmmm, this is a good greatest failure is (NOT) to learn when I should.

4)What does EN mean?

If I tell you, I will have to kill you...seriously if you want to know my name you can e-mail me privately and I will send it to you. I would rather not post it on my blog. (You know, in case someone does a google search on my name and then, wham, my blog pops up).

5)What is the one thing that irks you more than anything else?

Another irksome question (ha ha), Truthfully what irks me the most is that I don't know a lot.

6)What do you think the world needs more than anything else?

I believe the world needs Moshiach.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Doesn't the world know by now?


Interview By TRW

Tada! The interview by my FAVORITE frum actress TRW, who is a smart cookie in Torah matters, and who inspires me daily with her lovable posts and Hashkfic outlook on life, and who has stuck with me through thick and thin ;) I am eternally greatful.

Wow. These are very vague questions. They seem to have no substance. I will try to answer them to the best of my ability at the present moment.

(You really are trying to make me think, aren't you?! ;) )

(Do you want my thought process or my final answer? This is harder than I thought.)

1) What is the goal you most deeply long to achieve?

Thought Process:

I can give you the real answer or the pre recorded answer. Truthful, I have no short goals. No, really I do....But let me start with the long term goals. I feel more comfortable with that. (Is the emphasis on the word "the" as a qualifier and meaning only "one goal"? do you want one specific goal, or do you mean the general category of "goal" which is divided into sub categories?, very confusing question.....) Well, *shake head to clear mind*, Wait a minute, how deep are we talking here? Why do you need the word most? What is achievment? Ok, this is getting very confusing. I am going to give the pre-recorded answer. I deeply want to achieve a goal in finishing Kol Hatorah Kulah becoming a big Tzaddik , learning kabbalah, becoming a Navi, Becoming a great husband and father, being the best in the world. Becoming the best. That is my goal. I guess this must be my long term goal. As for my short term goal, I should have one but I am too lazy to make one for various reasons which I can't explain.

Final Answer:
The goal I most deeply long to achieve is to be the best.

2) What is the most fantastic memory of your life?

Thought Process:

Also, very vaguely wordy... What does fantastic mean?.....fantasticly scary, happy, joyful, memoriable...? It is hard to answer this one...Life to me is fantastic. Does fantastic come from the word fantasy? *shakes head to clear mind* I am going to take this question as to mean what memories do I have that I enjoy remembering them. Most of my happy memories are buried inside and don't want to come up. I can't recall them at whim. Do you mean which ones had a big effect on me? Which ones woke me up to reality? *getting frustrated* I can't think strait. "Is" is a qualifier meaning only want one memory...right? I recall memories of choking on a button when I was 3 years old, I recall crying and being held by my mother. I rember a big havdalah candle, I remember chanuka, peasach, sukkos, my bar mitzvah, sicknessess, hurt feelings, robberies, anti-semites, thinking feeling of guilt....... I hope this answers your question.

Final Answer:
I don't know.

3) When is learning most special to you?

Thought Process:

Ahh, I like this question. *smile*, *warm feeling inside*. When, when? Do you mean...? Ok, I re -read the question. You mean MOST special? It is always special?! I guess it is most special when I learn.

Final Answer:
Learning is special to me whenever I learn.
edit-I like to say always.

4) What do you fear the most? Why?

Though process:

Hmmm, fear....the physical and mental feeling in the head that makes me tremble... (we aren't talking about what or whom I should fear, Hashem of course (yiras hashem) or yiras chait.

Final answer:
What I fear the most in a mental sense and not in a instinctive sense, (of course I fear big bad people who want to hurt me and my family if they are holding a gun to my head, I would be trembling silly), but a constant fear I have is not going to be able to support a family.

5) If you could have anything in the world, but only one thing, without doing anything to get it, what would you choose?

Thought process:
Very weird question, almost doesn't make sense. This is like the genie in the bottle, three wishes, so I would use one wish to get an unlimmited amount of wishes....What do you mean without doing anything to get it?

Final answer:
If I could have anything in the world but only one thing without doing anything to get it I would choose a wife.
edit-while reading over last answer I guess I would say happiness, like simcha. I guess that is everything.

Some of my answers might make no sense and I don't know why I answered the way I did, but this is what I think the answers are.

Now the rules again:

1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."
2)I will respond by asking you five questions (not the same as above)
3)You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4) You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.

To Sell Torah

What is your motivation for learning Torah? In other words, what is your “hot button?” Let me be your guide in a world which few experience. Are you interested yet? Yes, there is a world of Torah. It is its own universe. Set apart from the world of physicality. It is not tangible to only a select few. It is up to you to feel, to experience, to design your destiny. Let us start with the atheist, the lowest of the low, the one who does not believe what his eyes see. The atheist does not see because he chooses not to. Out of convenience, he decides not to be in proximity of the assistance that God has granted the Jewish nation. The atmosphere of his universe is denial. He places his reputation in this world and the next in jeopardy. He is constantly looking for alternatives to what is apparent. The location of his mind is with himself. Where does he get his respect from? By degrading what is holy and pure, he aggrandizes his association with impurity and idolatry. He feels secure in his compact life. He is never looking to grow.

Consider the Balhabus, the simple working man, who comes home after a long day on the subway and work. He is weary to the bone. His wife and children rely on him for their basic necessities. He rarely gets to see his children and when he does they sap his energy. Where does he get his strength? That little bit of sweetness he accumulates by learning from the Talmud or Bible. His nachas is when his children come home from school and show him their grades in Jewish studies. He feels at peace knowing he is continuing the Jewish nation.

Moving on to the knowledgeable scholars, those who dedicate their lives to the sacred text, we begin to see a pattern emerge. Their craftsmanship is excellence to the enth degree. They slave over word contexts and obscure passages, trying to reconcile apparent contradictions. Questions, used to mine the depth of written thought, which is the will of God transferred into words, become important tools of the trade. The questions become as important as the answers. The friendships and bonds that are developed over deciphering a piece of Gemarah are as strong as cement. The hours are accumulated and duly noted. They will not go unrewarded.

What is the common denominator between these three classes of people? They are motivated to find the truth. Their reputation is on the line. The location is unimportant. The sentimental value of their belief is in the genes. East or West, North or South, across oceans and time, they are connected and respected. They will never be forgotten. The durability of their significance in history and continuation of the Jewish people is based on the connection to God. Each is suitable of creating worlds. Each in his unique way is priceless. The obvious will resonate when you grasp and discover the beauty of Torah. Contemplate on what you know. Allow your emotions to take you to great heights. Bask in the warmth and feel speechless by it views. Use it as a support when you are down, and as reality check when you are high.

What is your motivation?

How Do You Speak? Hear?

I know you understand what you think I said, but I’m not too sure that what you heard is what I meant.
(nothing to do with my last post)

Interesting link:


"Where has he gone?"

"Why hasen't he touched me?"

"Has he forgotten about me?"

"For many a weeks (months?) now, he hasen' t caressed me, spoken to me, even looked at me, I feel so low, was it something I said? Something to turn him off? I feel so lonely. I want him near me. I want him to look at me with those adorable cute eyes, and tell me he loves me. I want him to sing to me. He used to kiss me tenderly. I love it when he sings. Why the forgetfulness? Is he hurting inside? I can't tell, he doesn't want to communicate. He blocks me out. I can't tell you the anguish I feel when he doesn't even think about me. How long is this going to last? Should I speak to his boss? Maybe he will knock some sense into his thick skull. It will hurt him, I know, but maybe it is worth it." Why is he ignoring my advice? Doesn't he know our history together? How we used to be together is matrimonial bliss? He used to tell me such kind words, how he loved me, he would never leave me, he would care for me always. But now I don't know. He seems to have forgot all that."

Why, oh why, has he not opened my lonely pages?

Monday, July 25, 2005

Where am I?

The time: Summer 2005

July 25 8:20 pm

My small universe. Located in a remote yeshivah dorm in Flatbush, NY. Not a mainstream yeshivah by any means. Comprised of a screen, keyboard, an e-mail address, Mozzilla Firefox, and a link with sublinks on the left to fellow bloggers in cyberspace.

The time: Summer 2004
July 25 8:20 pm (aprox.)

My small universe. A small apartment in the heart of Flatbush. On my own. No computer. Studying accounting, and doing yoga. The world is an open and shut book. The nature of life is normalcy.

The world: Continuous.
The Jewish people: Part of the anals of History.

State of mind: Bewildered, confused, scared.

Tour of Frumster #2

I decide to e-mail a girl and see if she responds. Her name was normal and she had some realistic views. I send a polite e-mail asking if she would like to communicate. I recieve a prewritten letter, sorry, she doesn't think it is compatable. Huh?! We didn't even write one word to each other. Ok, maybe she is PMSing. I write to another one. Same response. After e-mailing 6 girls, I recieve a 2 responses that seem promising. One said she is currently seeing someone but if it doesn't work out she will get back to me. The other wrote a letter stating, hello and sort of a question/statement- tell me all about yourself. Equivelent to a/s/l on chat. I write back my specs. She continues to send back one line responses as if to tease all the information out of me with out giving me any information about her. I ask what is your name? She gives a first name and last initial. After a flurry of one line e-mails, I am quickly getting tired of this. I see she has AIM. I give her my SN and ask her if she would like to continue to talk over instant message. She consents. After some playful pingpong without knowing too much about her she gives me her phone number and says if you want to call me to talk, you can. Huh? What does that mean?! I am looking for a wife, not a phychiatrist. I forgot to mention, she was going for social working. Bekitzur, when ever I called her she said, "Sorry I am busy, can I call you back?", but she never did. We played phone tag for a week, until I told her I don't have car, so she said, "Oh, I don't think this will work out, please don't call me again".
I decide to try my luck again before my subscription expired for the month. I wrote to 3 other girls. One deleted my message right away. Another said she was looking for someone more professional. The last one then gave me her password to her photo. The next day my subscription expired.

There you have it, my fiasco with -I believe it is good for older couples, but for young immature boys and girls who don't understand each other, it is a disaster.

Really, I can't understand. Could someone please explain to me what are girls looking for in a mate? Are they being forced to marry when they do not want to be? Do they realize marriage is NOT about pushing a lazy husband to make money so they could go shopping?

What does a girl, who is not favored by the current shidduch system, do to find a ben torah? Up until what age does a normal girl look to marry a ben torah and then gives up hope? Is there a diffrence between a girl who would use the shidduch system and a girl who would meet a guy through mutual friends or in college? What is the difference? Why do some girls look for a ben torah and others look for other qualities in a guy? Do girls find it hard to find good beni torah who are a mentch, or are they a dime a dozen?

Any help in answering these questions are appreciated.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

My Tour of Frumster #1

After a light meal to break the fast, I decided to go take a ride in my computer screen to the land of I myself have been a participating member of this remarkable website. No, I will not give you my profile name because I have temporarily suspended it because of some reasons as you will soon read.
I began with the quick search. I chose females between the age of 18 and 25. Out of the observance list, I chose Yeshivish Modern to start. Up pops a list of girls with weird names such as "pious fool(??)" , "juniper(are you a bush?)", "Grounded dreamer (what an oxymoron)", "spring catch (you think you have a fish complex?)" and a bunch of other names that I don't know what are the purpose in catching a guy's eye. I look around for some normal Jewish names. I am hard pressed to find any. I see a normal looking name, age, hight ect. I click. Photo password protected. This sets off a warning signal. What is she trying to hide? Is she that ugly? Does she have low self esteem? I disregard the warning and begin to read the information. All I see are "$$$". She is looking for someone to support her blah, blah, blah, and if he learns on the side, well I wont stop him, that wont be nice to do, since he wont have any friends, blah, blah, and I can always make him take me where ever I want ect. Duh, girl, what are you thinking ?! Why should anyone want to marry you? You think you are so pretty? So witty? Did your daddy make you a princess? Reality check, you have nothing going for you.
Clicking "x" ,I go on to the next one. Here is a genius of a girl who is looking for the perfect husband, who is prince charming. He must have a Phd. in molecular science and of course must drive a Jaguar and be compatible with her sisters-cousins-dogs-uncle. She is funny and gorgeous and promises that we will live it out to the next month until she meets her BF's brother in Medical school and devorces Husband #2 and sues for alimony. Who is raising these girls? Who gives them these expectations of guys?
After looking and getting nauseous at these crazy profiles I went to go see the guys side of the story. It didn't fare better. Most had pictures of themselves in "cool" poses pretending to be Jonny Cash with their cool jobs and fancy pick up lines. "Looking for girl with Boobs, converts welcome". "Smart genius looking to sweep girl off feet. Don't bring underpants." Ugghh. The well oil sex machines were hard at work.
I decided to go look at the Yeshivish/Black hat category. Here girls with names like, "Unattached (I sure hope so, do you come with baggage?)", "curious (didn't you know curiosity killed the cat?)","Hishtadlus(this is the best you can do?)", "crazy chicken(I think you should be in an insane asylum, not looking to get married!!)", "Free (do you come with children?), and a favorite of mine; "Secretagentwoman (are you looking for James Bond?)". To me it doesn't seem like any of these girsl are ready to raise children and to take care of a husband. If they want fun go to a bar, and there plenty of men there who will teach you the way of life. At least one was honest with herself and named herself "beachedwhale".

Interview By NormalJew

An interview from the Funny Peaceful Man of Lakewood with Issues: Normal Jew

1) Will you be a good husband? Explain.

I believe that I will be a good husband and father to my wife and children. The reason why I say this with confidence is because it is something I am continuously working on. I believe being a good husband means listening and caring about ones wife and creating a good marriage. It means understanding why she is upset even if there is no reason. It means thinking illogically. I am very good at that.

2) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Wow. This is quite personal. My name is not quite "main stream". You might even call it Modern Israeli. I have been made fun of because of my uncommon name. I have always wondered if my life would be different if I had a more common Jewish name. I am tempted to say I would like to change my name to something like Moshe, Aharon or Dovid, since those are names of big Tzaddikim, but the reality is that I have my name and it reflects who I am.

3) Do you consider yourself to be a "cool" guy? Why?

I don't consider myself to be a "cool" guy. It is something I have always wanted to be, but I am not a slickster. I don't wear a five piece Yalmukah, I don't have a "chupe", I don't even have contacts. I wear a three button down suit without pinstripes. Not five or six. My hat is not Borsolino and I don't have a very tiny or very thick band. I don't talk very Yeshivishe and I don't have Elvis sideburns.

4)Do you buy clothes for the "brand name" or for the "look"?

I buy clothes for the look. I am not into brand names. I don't care if it has a label that says Calvin Klien or some fancy Italian name. I would go buy clothes in a discount store if it fits and is good material. If something looks good on me that is what the girls look at. They don't get close enough to look inside my coat jacket.

5) Who is your role model? Why?

B"h I have been blessed with many good role models throughout my life. Starting with my parents- they truly have taught me how to be a Mentch and respect every person, no matter what background they are from. I am a person who learns from everyone. If I see something that someone does is a good thing, I incorporate it into me. In Beis Medrash I have had excellent Rebbeim in the Mir who took care of me like a child, spiritually and financially. I have also met some exceptionally great Yungermans, people who were learning in Kollel, and really gave me great hadracha in life when I was really confused. Their emunah and bitachon in Hashem is something unsurpassed. I also have had some really great chaverim with whom I have developed a special relationship that we can read each other like a book. Especially with trouble in shidduchim, they are always there to lend a listening ear or advice. We also learn on the phone daily, b'chavrusah. I believe a true role model is someone who loves you, cares for you and shows you how to become a better person and grow. There is much to learn form everyone.

Now the rules again:
( You need to put these in your post)
1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."
2)I will respond by asking you five questions ( not the same as above)
3)You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4) You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.


Here are some intersting links:

Medical Ethics
Torah Yoga
Women Aliyot?
Techiyas Hamesim
Jewish Girls In History
Disproving Anti-Semites
Purim Mag?
Abortion essay

Sheva Asar Be'Tammuz

Wishing everyone an easy and MEANINGFUL fast.
(anyone know of any good speeches in the Brooklyn area?)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Interview By YMamme

Here is an interview given by my favorite Yiddishe Mamme. Yiddishe Mamme

1) What's your favorite childhood memory?

Wow. That is a doozy of a question. To tell you the truth, most of my childhood was depressing. I was the child who was picked on and made fun of by my classmates. I was the one who was always "out of style". I was never good at sports and I was always quiet in class. Even at home I never appreciated my parents for the way they raised me and gave them a lot of trouble; which meant a lot of petch. (Ch"v-to say my parents hit me a lot, they didn't.) My favorite memories are those of Shabbos and Yomim Tovim. I loved lighting, watching the Chanukah Menorah, and making up skits about the Chashmonaim. Peasach was always spiritual with my father in his white kittel and us little boys all wore a extra large white shirt or karate jacket to imitate a Kittel. The Seder was interactive with singing, laughing and Diverei Torah.

2) What might they have called a computer if they hadn't named it a computer?

Well since the word computer, I think, comes from the word compute, if it wasn't a bunch of geeks making it up it could have been called, "The Brain", or "ThinkBox", or "Gamer". I personally call my computer "The Time Waster", or "Gehenim (Hell) Box".

3) Who's your favorite historical figure?

When I was younger I always wanted to be like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. They were people that I admired and wanted to emulate. George was very truthful as he never wanted to lie about chopping the cherry tree. He also was a great military general and I wanted to join the army. He kicked out the British and now we have B-B-Qs and fireworks in his honor. Abe was a lawyer and freed the slaves. He brought freedom to the world. I used to play with Lincoln logs and I loved the outdoors, so with Daniel Boone and Davie Crockett we would go kill ourselfs some 'injuns.

4) What do you know for sure?

I know that there is a God and that he gave us Jewish people a Torah on Har Sinai. I know that he loves me and everyone else. I know that sometimes I do bad but deep down I want to grow. I know my name. I know my parents love me. I know I want to get married. I know that I know many things. Too many to write all down.

5) Who's your favorite relative?

My family is a very small family. We are a close knit family. I love all my siblings. I love my parents and grandparents. I love my cousins. I am very close to my younger brother who is two years younger than me. We are very honest with each other. We can talk about anything under the sun. He can read my mind.

Now the rules again:
( You need to put these in your post)
1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."
2)I will respond by asking you five questions ( not the same as above)
3)You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4) You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.

Friday, July 22, 2005

The Interview

I am posting an interview by Malka. A remarkable woman whom I hold in great esteem.

1. What is your best feature?

This question conjures up buying a computer or car. Like, does it have the newest Bluetooth and WI-fi technology? How many Gig? How much horsepower? Can it turn into a boat and plane? "I" have many features. Of course philosophically the soul is the best feature I have. It is something that makes me unique and above animals. The fact that I can talk, see, walk, touch, hear, taste are all great features. If I was to get more physical I would say my eyes. I have kind eyes. I have a kind personality. I want to give. I am a giver and pleaser.

2. If you could live in any country in the world, where would you go and why?

This is a no brainier. The key word is "IF". Of course I love the USA and I probably wont be going anywhere anytime soon, but my three years in the Mir in Yerushalyim has made me have a longing for the holy land. I have relatives there and I feel at home among my people. I love how the USA is relaxed and not pushy. If it was possible to transfer that feeling to Israel I would be on the next plane.

3. What is your favorite food?

This is a hard one. I love many foods. I am a big meat eater. I love biting into a juicy steak. I love eating healthy. A Caesar salad that was prepared with a little garlic and olive oil is heaven. I love vegetables and anything not fatty, if they are prepared well. Fried onion and vegetables- Yumm! In Yeshivah everything is one glob of fat so it becomes very unappitizing and boring.

4. What would you do if someone offered you an insane amount of money to do things which, in some eyes, would be considered immoral but not illegal? Would you do it?

Hmmm, I don't know if this can apply to me. Since I believe in the Torah, whatever it says I must follow. Even if it means giving up all my money. Kal Vechomer to receive money. Should I answer this theoretically? H*ll yeah.

5. What is the number one quality you look for in a friend?

This is an excellent question. It is something I am still trying to figure out. I look for someone who is intelligent, honest, trustworthy, yirah shamayim (someone who has fear of heaven). Someone who can make me smile when I am down, someone whom I can respect and agree with. Someone who is witty and humorous in a nice way. Someone who can give me advice whenever I need it. Someone I can lean on and feel comfortable around.

Now the rules again:
( You need to put these in your post)
1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."
2)I will respond by asking you five questions ( not the same as above)
3)You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4) You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.

The Evolution of Marriage

One thing that makes me wonder constantly is why and how are men and women different. Why do women like to make fun of men and vice versa? Don't they need each other to get to a common goal? Why do many women believe that Orthodoxy lowers women and make them into slaves? I have no explanation for it. It seems illogical to me. Even on an emotional level. Marriage in my short opinion, is a male and female creating and evolving a friendship to create a spiritual entity called marriage. It is something divine. Beyond nature. It is a deep love and coming to understand each other intimately to grow into a human. Beyond instinct and desire. To become a single machine to do the bidding of God. Children are the manifestation of this goal. A child combines both parents and God. When it grows it is taught to do goodness and kindness so the new entity will come close as possible to God. Love must be constantly work on. A man should not be stingy with his money. He should always give money to his wife with a smile. A wife should always try to find ways to cheer up her husband. She is not required to study torah. She will not be asked did you do your business honestly or did you set aside time for learning. She will be asked though, "Did you make your husband happy?" "Do you know what his favorite foods are?" A man will be asked did you make your wife happy by buying her jewelry and nice clothes. This is what Orthodoxy advocates, is there anyone who can suggest something better?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Are all men like this?

This post has been inspired by this quote on
Yawning, I opened my eyes and turned on my side. The cold air from the air-conditioner felt great on my hot skin. The room was the perfect temperature. The way I liked it. The sun peeked through the window promising a new treat. Yesterdays woes were a distant dream. Today was the start of a new beginning. I climbed out of bed, and straightened my boxers, I flexed my muscles and admired my handsome biceps in the mirror. Yesterdays workout seemed to give it the curves and thickness I so badly needed. I examined my abs. Yep, my six pack was noticeable. A little strip of fat still covered it but who cares, I still could do my Michael Jackson walk and 400 sit-ups. I pulled down my boxers. I turned around and looked at my ass. I gave it a little slap. There was no jello jingle. Hard as a rock. I had removed the forest of hair, because I read in Men's Journal that girls hate butt hair. For all those interested, I stopped tweaking my uni-brow when I read in that girls think it is un-cool. My legs were sturdy as trees. Confident now, I slowly began to turn in a half circle to admire my profile. "So, I have a long nose," I thought to myself. All Jews have long noses. As Jackie Mason says, "You can't find a Jewish girl without looking like she got hit by a truck. They all have nose jobs." I am going to make it my duty to preserve the genes of the Jewish long nose. We don't want it to die out. Evolution promulgated its length for a reason. I continue to check myself that my body was perfect. Nary a zit. Not above and not below. The wind rustles the drapes. My eye catches this magnet. My eyes are pulled without any action on my part toward this speck in my vision. It has a outline of an hourglass. Long strands of luxurious black hair, like the color showed on the commercial for Head and Shoulders shampoo. Her walk is mesmerizing. I can not pull my eyes away from this goddess. Her belly ring is showing from her bare midriff. The sunlight glints off of it. I see it is a real diamond. Her long eyelashes are sparkling from vaseline that was placed to make it shiny. Her eyebrows are tweaked in a perfect arch. My eyes snake down to her large cleavage. A "D" cup for sure. I started feeling a little twitch in between my thighs. I looked down. A little frisky puppy wanted to have some fun.

The idol turned the corner.

I went to take a cold shower.

The Sleepless Night

I am sitting on my bed, my thoughts racing. I furtively look around like a wild man who is being hunted. No one is around, but the cobwebs in the corner of the dormroom wall. A mouse dashes past against the wall that is peeling paint. It scapers away in an eyeblink. The fridge is humming. The freezer is open, and dripping water because the door latch doesn't lock completely. My eyes start to blur. My thoughts become stronger. Hammering against my skull, they beg to come out and eat me alive. I can't filter out the thoughts from the backround noise. They want me to do something. But I know it is not permitted. It will cause my demise. They cajole, beg and justify. I grab a sefer and start flipping through it. Maybe the answer lies in these holy pages. I have been promised. The bracha said it would be. A Tzaddik's word is true. It will be fulfilled. It must be. I bring up raiyah after raiyah to my claim. The evil forces begin to get mean. They start recalling the past. Remember when you ate that trief candybar? You didn't care about Hashem then. And what about that time you drank wine that had no Hechsher because you decided it was mutar since no goy touched a closed can. "No!" I yelled out loud to the empty room. "I didn't mean it then, but now I do!" My voice calmed down the evil thoughts. They were subdued for a moment.
I went to get a drink of water. I made the bracha loud and clear. Tears began to form in my eyes. How I wanted to be close to the source. It would be just a matter of time now. Everything would be perfect as the holy books said it would be.
I looked at my watch. My roomate and friends would be returning from night seder shortly. If I wanted to do anything it should be done now. Out of nowhere I started praying to Hashem, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I love you. I need you. Support me." I thought I heard a shofar sound and Moshiach was coming. I ran to the door and flung it open. The snowy night greeted me. I grabbed my coat and ran out into the cold night. I ran down the block to the ocean. The boardwalk was empty, nary a soul. The waves made a thumping noise as it crashed against the shore trying to drown the world. "Have no fear," I thought ironically, you will have all of us shortly. The moon shone bright on the water. Life didn't look so evil now. The stars twinkled and Orion the Warrior seemed to say, "Stick it out a little. What is your rush?" I raised my eyes to heaven and yelled on top of my lungs. "Hashem you promised me it will happen. I believe you." "You will not have my soul now."
I turned around and walked back to my room. I felt at peace.

Follow the Leader?

There has been a blog that has tried to debunk the Zohar. Let me tell you I do not dabble in Kabbalah. If I need to fly somewhere, I take a plane. When I first started blogging, I discovered some blogs that seemed to be written by some really smart people who knew, what it seems to be, a hamon rav, a lot of Torah, and were quoting from all over Tanach and Shas. In the beginning I felt intimidated, that maybe, possibly, my belief system is not as strong as I thought it to be. Maybe there are some holes in the grillwork. Doubt began to enter my mind. Was I being fed nonsense? Was my "logic" wrong? I, by nature, am a person who is curious. I enjoy seeking the truth. I would walk miles to find some obscure book or sefer if I though it would be of interest. This is one reason I blog. To seek what other people think and know. When the realization hit me that others don't have the same value system and they do not think the same way I do, it becomes difficult to face the questions. I don't have all the answers, so maybe the person writing his opinion is right because he has some information that I don't. Why must I be in doubt? Why must I question a belief that has been ingrained in me since I was born? If I didn't read the question I never would have had it to begin with. The question arose when I decided to believe someone else based on knowledge that he fed to me. Why should I trust the source? Because he talks intelligently? So I don't know the answer, it doesn't mean what he is saying is true. The mesorah is based on trust. I trust what my rabbi says and he trusted his rabbi. Along the way someone must have made up an excuse to justify the Torah, right? If you could disprove one link in a chain the whole chain falls a part. Is that a logical statement or is that foolishness? I believe that is a foolish statement, because disproving one part of a statement can't debunk an entire religion. So I don't understand how the world is only 5765 years old if the stars tell me the world is billions of years. There is an answer out there, I might not know it but it can't disprove the Torah. The Torah is a fact. It exists and has existed for thousands of years. I have questions, but I don't need answers. If I do need an answer I will think of an answer to prove what I know is true, that the Torah is true, that the mesorah is true, not take the easy way out and say the Torah is false. Anyone can say something is not true. It is harder to prove something is true than to debunk something and make a mockery of something. Making blanket statements based on questions , no matter how many you have, will never lead to the truth. The truth is built into creation. It needs to be uncovered. It is not obvious. Sheker, untruth, is the filth that needs to be wiped away. Beauty comes from work, which is answering questions. Questions are filthy. The are a necessary tool to learn, but by themselves they are purposeless. They can not prove or disprove anything. I can ask you a question of, "Why didn't the alien eat pig?" And your conclusion might be because he is a vegetarian. But if I tell you afterward he eats cows, your theory is debunked. Or maybe you might say he really doesn't eat cows only on certain days. So really he is a vegetarian 364 days of the year. It is your choice to look at the glass half full or half empty. Even if we are all looking to prove the same point that the Torah is real, why couldn't it be written in a way that doesn't besmirch and put down the Torah. Instead of saying a blanket statement the Zohar is a sham, it is not real, why not word it and say, I humbly have questions on the Zohar. I do not understand certain parts and leave it at that. Humility is a sign of truth. Haughtiness and putting down something is a indication that there is a lack of self esteem and self belief in authority. It shows you are afraid to confront the truth and you choose to hide behind questions instead of seeking the true answers. It is easy to say something is not real, the same way it is easy to disregard a shidduch because the person is not attractive enough. To look deep with the right microscope and come to the right conclusion is not easy. What is easy to do, is to insult and belittle a great thing. The greater something is, the more people try to pull it down. More people make a mockery of it because they are afraid of the reality it imposes on their freedom.

I am Sucked!

I have questions and I want answers. I am dissatisfied and dismayed at myself and my blog. I look at my posts and I say to myself, this is postworthy?! This is rubbish! My views and opinion are one of a couple billion in the world. Am I crazy for writing them? I believe what I believe and I post for myself to reduce stress. But there comes a time when I am disgusted with myself. Other Yeshivish people look at my blog and see a rebelling Yeshivah Bochur. Non-Jews read my blog and they say to themselves, what a wacko. Girls read my blog and say, what a chauvinistic person, and a sexual predator at that. There is no way to please everyone. I can't even please myself. Where is my honor? Where is the Kavod I deserve? Of course this is all a theoretical question because I don't want you to see my face blushing red. I am embarrassed I want this honor. But I can't deny that I feel a need for it. I crave for it. I want the world to bow at my feet. I want to be complimented on my humor, my intelligence, and my physique. I want to get everything when I want it. I am upset now. I am really fuming. I am frothing at the lips. My anger is bursting forth. Why? Why? Why? ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
*sticks thumb in mouth*

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Laughing in the Face of Pain

Have you ever felt like "road kill"? Yeah, you know what I mean. That icky-yucky feeling of being crushed under a ton of bricks. The day sucks. Life has no meaning anymore. You just want to end it all by jumping off the Empire States Building. That kind of feeling. Where nothing goes right, the Shadchan hates your guts, your mom is angry at you because you didn't want to call her because she gives you a headache, and the girl down the block gave you "talk to the hand and not to the face" finger. The naughty "D" word. Depression. The sickness pharmacists are making millions off. "No, I don't have bi-polar. I am just a little under stress."
"No, no, you must take this medicine, Respirdal, it will make you feel good. Very good. Like on cloud nine. "
So there goes my pay check to pay for medicine. Days do suck the dirt.

But compared to the rodent I can't complain. *LOL*

Hypocrisy-Got a light?

Hypocrisy. The "H" word. Bloggers are throwing it around the Jewish Blogsphere as if every Yukel turns off his conscience and says, "Hey, Let me be a hypocrite today, I am tired of being straight." No, I don't think so. People are brought up in a society. They learn how to act from parents, teachers, friends, and the media. People need to change their way of thinking if they want to be true to themselves. Real truth comes from within. People should judge others favorably. Mitoch shelo lishma bah lishma.

Can I Make You?

Sometimes we feel pressured by our peers, society at large, and plain laziness, to do things that we know are wrong. Overcoming these temptations is what being human is all about. Animals don't have free will. They have no choice in eating, mating, or any thing else for that matter. They work on instinct. Humans have instinct as well. The human spirit can rise above those base feelings and create something known as a Mentch. Can someone "Make us look?" Sure. But we have the ability to overcome that initial feeling and say, "I am going to close my eyes and not get angry, I will not get revenge, I will not let that person upset me. "

"I just won't let it."

What to do?

Sometimes in life we think we are going up when really we are going down. Who is to decide which way is up and which way is down? I don't know the answer to that question yet. I am still seeking. I am sticking out my toe in the hot waters, testing it for its feel. Too hot? I pull back . Cooler now? I immerse another inch. Life is about give and take. Do I know what my tachlis is? No. But can anyone else tell me what it is? I don't think so either. Advice is always welcome and appreciated. Every word is taken to heart. How to decide which advice I am going to pursue to actually follow is one that I rely on my Rebbim, myself, and my parents and a lot of Davening to Hashem that he leads me in the right path.

The Root of All Evil

Why do women make me crazy? And no, I am not saying that I am gay. Believe me I luv women. I adore them. They make me happy when I am sad, they rebuke me when I am doing something wrong, they love me tenderly and give me pleasure when I need it. They push me to higher goals and aspirations, they make me less selfish and obnoxious. Without woman where would man be? Man would not be able to continue without his helper, Dr. Wo. The prefix "wo" is etimologyical from the word woe and wow. A woman can be a "wow" or a "woe" depending on her moods. It is up to the man to make sure she is in a good mood. If his wife is happy he is happy. Although there might be proof girls are evil-which is possible, so are men. Evil is not inhearent in a gender. It cannot be. Money can be used for good or bad. this is called the "OR" function. Anything can be "or" or a maybe. Girls can be good or evil, depending on which stork brought them, (ok, that was a joke). I like good girls. Those are in my definition, which is accepted by wikapedia, as a girl who wants to grow in a relationship to serve God. Plain and simple nothing fancy- shmancy. Of course there are external factors that must be considered. But to say a blanket statment and to bring a proof that girls in general are evil because they take away time and money is making a big mistake. Sometimes taking is the biggest giving. For that middah that women take, they give to mankind and make "man" a better person.

Do Men do ANY Work?

What is the defining attribute of Limud Hatorah? Is Torah learning something that can be defined? Who exactly is Torah? Who is obligated to learn it, and what does the Posuk mean when it says Vehegisah Bo Yomam V'alaylah? The Torah, which was given by the almighty God , a guide book on the human soul and spirit, instructions to elevate and raise our deepest instictive being, to one of lofty, weightless, and shmutzless purity and clarity. To be free. Who doesn't want freedom? The pintele yid is in every Jew and the only way it can be cultivated is throught the learning of Torah. Falafals and Menoras are not going to be the only thing to fuel the Jewish people. The Jewish people need a guide book that will show them the light at the end of the tunnel. Through the study and teaching of Torah there is a connection between the heart and soul of every Jew and even creature in this entire world. Don't judege Torah by a Jew. This staement is true because a Jew might not neccisarily know Torah. Torah is almost impossible to complete physically, definately theoretically. Torah is a knowledge beyond human comprehention. Torah is the knowledge that God chose to reveal of himself in a limited fashion. Every person is obligated to know the laws that pertain to them. they must constantly delve and seek out new understandings. Men have a special Mitzvah to be the guiding force to continue this unbroken chain of Mesorah from Har Sinai until time immortal. It is a hard job. To stay focused one must put up signs and blinders to the rest of the world. One must immerse himself in the walls of a shul or Beis Medrash. The rambam says exile yourself to a desert to learn Torah. Time is precious. Much so. It is a difficult, but happy life. Women don't have the same tests as men. They work all the time becuase that is their being. If not for the women we wouldn't have gone out of Mitzrayim. Moshiyach is going to come because of them. Al Titosh Toras Imecha, don't forget the Torah of your mother. But, Shema Beni Mussar Avicha the hrad Mussar is from the father. The hitting the cojoling the begging, is all up to the men. The women just sit back and smile and say, "come here, boychik, look how sweet Torah is, want to taste?"

Stranded in Time

Most of the day I feel like I need some alcohol to give me a boost. Inebriation is great for ispiration. It really can get the grey cells churning. It is a cure all. It removes pain physically and mentally. It can be applied topically and internally. It can be used for warmth and medicine. It can be used to heat up a relationship for good and for bad. It can make or break a marriage. A simcha is never complete without some Crown Royal. A Vort is a failure if there is no booze. A baby is intrduced to wine at a very young age-8 days old by his bris. It removes the pain right away. No, make that earlier by the Shalom Zachor he is shtupped a bit of leftover beer. Shabbos is all about the wine. So is Pesach. Why I am I rambling about intoxication? Oh right, I was saying how I could use a beer. Isn't it funny how all the commercials promote beer and peanuts, what's up with that? Are they in chohoots? Do they love getting us fat when we watch the super bowl? Anyway getting back to the main topic, I need a beer to celibrate (that word looks like celibate-you know what priests do, celibacy, what is the write spelling?) I have been interviewed for a day camp job (yaaay). I am useful! Some little kids can now whine at me to buy them a soda and whip, make that wipe, their behind.
Also in other good news, Brooklyn College acknowledged receptance of my application papers. Woo-hoo! They won't have an answer for me if I am accepted officially for another 4-6 weeks. I am siting on pines and needles. It is time for my daily jog to burn off my beer belly. I heard it is not condusive nor conductive to attract girls. Some say it is actually a repelant and a reflector. I tend to say, take all of me or none of me. Love handles are sexy.

Hi Ho Off to Work We Go

Sometimes I want to take the easy way in life. No, make that all the time. I love the game chutes and ladders. There was always a way to cheat the system, by climbing up the stairs. To get ahead in life one must learn to cheat. Why else are there so many Jewish accountants? To help others cheat on their taxes. Jews are born cheaters, the Gemarah says Rov Ganavim are Jews. Some twist that to say most Jews are Ganavim. The truth is that Jews have a smart head. A great percentage of Nobel Prize winners are Jews. What is this that drives us to cheat. From my experience the reason why I like to cheat is because it is thrilling. Whether it is cheating by copying on a test, downloading MP3 files for free, stealing a friends drink from the fridge, charging something on my parents credit card, sleeping late in bed, missing a minyan, it is the thrill of getting something for nothing. I love getting something for nothing. If I didn't have to work for it it must be real. Work is bothersome. It is taxing. Yes, when I was young I had lofty goals, I believed I could do anything. Then the stumbling blocks came. The laws of nature. No, I couldn't become president, I wasn't a WASP. I couldn't become an astronaut, I wear glasses. I couldn't marry any girl I wanted, I am Jewish. I couldn't even argue against the Tannaim or Amoraim. The wild west was conquered and all the gold was discovered. All the frontiers have been wiped out and plowed over. How ever there are things I can improve. I can always improve myself. Not as glamorous as discovering a new cure for cancer but just as important as well. Does anyone have a light?

Please register

Have you ever had that sinking feeling that after going through grade school, finishing high school, learning with great chavrusas in Beis Medrash, compleating Mesechtas with Artscroll and Torah tapes, being on top of the world and really believing that God is running the world and nothing can go wrong in life, life is so magical with God running it. And then. BOOM! The program ends. No warning. It just stops to function. You give it a couple of bangs on the side as if it is a soda machine that is trying to steal your quarter. "Hahah, nice try, but you are not getting my money". The evil machine swallowed my life. My hard earned trust. It is not producing what was promised. I am not married by 21, I am not walking on water when I learn kabbalah, I am not getting money to sit and learn in Kollel. I have to go out and make a parnassah for myself. I need to immerse myself in the Tumah of the world and go to college and all the knowledge that was "usless" suddenly becomes important and priceless. Where is the honesty, why is there a seeming hypocracy? My feelings and thoughts on this state of confusion is that my test in life is to overcome my "sour milk" perspective on life and to change and undertand that the blockage to spiritual growth is in my hands and I hold my destiny. I can choose what to know and what to hold dear. Although the truth hold true, I hate the effort to pay for the software.

Lost Mail

Sometimes I get the feeling as if I am just not getting it. Be it in learning, jokes, communication with others, understanding myself.....
My Yetzer Harah does not let my ego live in peace. It constantly strives to drag me down lower and lower. I need to get the message and not give in. I need to accept reality. What is the definition of reality? When is it possible to say I have done my Hishtadlus and now I can sit back and say "Hashem, now it is your turn?" Probably never, even if I get hurt in the process it is a learning experience. All the best intentions in the world are just that. Good intentions. He knows what is good for me. He could have sent the mail three weeks ago but I am finally reading now.

Dating Advice

Dating Game
An interesting post with some interesting comments.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Hashgocho Protis

Tonight I heard a shiur from Rabbi Moshe Tuvia Lieff, Rav of Congragation Beis Yisrael, Minneapolis. The topic: Hashgacha Protis-recognizing Hashem's hand in our Daily Lives.
Masterfully he brought out the point with examples and stories how we must believe that Hashem runs each and everything that happens in our life for us personally. Even the bad. Hashem looks out for us. He want us to recognize him. He wants us to realize he is there for our good. He supports us in evrything we do and is on the look out for us day and night. Heni Lo Yanum v'Lo Yishan Shomer Yisrael.

Walking back from the shiur I was thinking and mulling it over in my head. Hashem really does care for me. He sets things up even when something bad happens he makes it good. It could have been worse. He gives just punishment but then he stops it at an exact moment. Such as by Yosef. He was being sent down to Mitzrayim and the arabs were taking him down and usually they would be carrying noxious., vile smelling kerosene. By happenstance, (or hashgacha) when they took Yosef down they were carrying sweet smelling spices. Balsam. I may not undertand why G-d does bad things to good people or why we/I deserve the bad that happens. By when I look at it in a lens that G-d doesn't want me to be hurt more than nessisary for growth or for whatever reason, it makes feel protected and safe.

Also a weird thing happened when I was walking home. I saw this young cute girl wearing a shirt that said, "Kiss me I'm Jewish". It made me want to go over to her and hug her. It was such a sweet thing. Of course I didn't and just gave her the thumbs up. She was very cute. I don't know exactly why I reacted like that. It was so spontanious. It gave me this giddy feeling like, hey, someone cares type of thing. I don't know. It made me happy inside and a little sad. It was just a beautiful/sad moment.

To work on selfishness

I find myself many times looking over my shoulder at friends who have made it "big" in life. People who are the same age as me, same upbringing, similar backrounds. Then I turn around and this one is married with kids. This one just bought a house. This one finished college and is a doctor or lawyer. This one finished Shas by 22. I look at myself and I wonder where am I headed. What have I done with my life. Why do I seem to be stuck in a quagmire of quicksand. Why haven't I done anything productive? Why am I the one blogging and they are the ones getting it on in the "Real world"?

Be Happy

I borrowed this link from someone. I hope you don't mind. :-)

Be Happy
For Harry Potter Fans-Potter
a little disgusting
Funny Flash Media
Superlaugh- great clips
For salary-salary
For women-Funny
No hard feelings

Trump Kup?

Donald Trump has his goals cut out for himself. He believes he has true power. Does what he say have any basis in Jewish Thought?

Trump Newsletter

Power and Persuasion: the Elements of Negotiation

Negotiation is something I refer to often because it is an important aspect of business and life. It’s a form of accommodation, adjustment, and diplomacy. It can be a complex procedure, but it doesn’t have to be daunting if you take the time to think and apply a little finesse to your technique.

Business people see me as a master negotiator because I usually wind up with what I am aiming to get. In other words, I negotiate to win and then I win. Pretty simple from the outside looking in, but I can tell you that I spend time preparing for any negotiation.

The first step is to know exactly what you want. You have to be clear about your own goals. The second step is to know what the other side wants. Give that some thought. Whether you’re in baseball or in business, you’ve got to know the strengths and weaknesses of your opponents in order to deal with them effectively. No two teams are exactly the same, and no two companies or organizations are exactly the same. Don’t rely on generalizations. Find out for yourself.

When I was hoping to acquire 40 Wall Street, I learned as much as I could about the Hinneberg family, who owned the building. All the prior leaseholders had dealt with the Hinneberg family's agent, but I wanted to know the Hinnebergs myself to figure out what they wanted. If you want the truth, go to the source. So I flew to Germany and met them. I told them I would turn the property into a first class office building, which I have done. I watched that property carefully for decades, and I took care of the negotiations for it carefully. It has paid off, and we all won.

Which brings us to my basic philosophy of how deals are done. It’s about persuasion, not power. That’s diplomacy at its best because power is the ability to convince people to accept your ideas. Power isn’t just about calling all the shots—it’s about ability. You don’t want people to accept your ideas because you’ve bulldozed them into accepting them. That’s a recipe for disaster. Instead, let them think the decision is theirs—it will give them a sense of power and control as well. Present your ideas in a way that will not intimidate them.

I remember a deal I was interested in doing, and the person I was dealing with was from a prominent family. I knew his name, and I had a certain mindset about him before I met him. I had formulated a plan in my mind. When I met the guy, I was surprised to find out how insecure and unassuming he was, not at all a powerhouse type, so I had to immediately change my plan. I had to find a way to bolster his esteem enough to get him into the negotiating arena since I could tell he would be the type to walk away just to avoid confrontation of any sort. I gained his confidence by building up his confidence enough to deal with me. Sometimes you have to play psychologist, or be a bit of a chameleon to figure out the best approach.

Sometimes you have to be stubborn. Being stubborn can be a good thing, when it comes to something you want. I waited close to thirty years to see development start on a property I had bought in the 1970’s. I watched 40 Wall Street for decades as well. While it appears that I move forward quickly, there’s a lot of background work involved that people don’t see. You will also find out there are times when you have to change your mind, which can be a positive thing. Don’t be confined by your expectations—remain open as well as focused.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Are you free?

I went to a shiur tonight given by Rabbi Mordachai Becher, a renowned speaker for gateways seminar. He discussed the cause of ANGER. He explained that anger is as a result of the ego being bruised. "How can you do such a nasty thing. To ME no less".
I find myself turning anger inward. This causes depression. I am calm when others make fun of me or insult me. I have tough shell. I rarely raise my voice. I am a meek person by nature. The Ramban in his ethical letter to his children wrote to be careful not to become angry and hotheaded. There is much to gain by being humble and easy going. Going through life and being a moral and ethical person put many constrains on my and anyone else who is honest with themselves desire for freedom. What it all boils down to is, what is the definition of freedom.

Eishes Chayil Posted by Picasa

My Work

I have posted a sample of my work as a Sofer. I learned to be a Sofer while I was in the Mir in E'Y. I have been fixing a sefer Torah in my yeshivah. Unfortunately my work has been halted because of a lack of funds. It is tough work. For a long time I have not been writing anything. I can't get the motivation to continue to write. It is an arduous job and requires a lot of concentration. I don't have the Koyach.
To see other samples of my work:
Aseret Hadibros
Eishes Chayil

The only way is up

I have hit rock bottom. When I hit the bottom that means there is nowhere else to go but up. That is a good sign. Life is like a yo-yo. Up one minute down the next. It is time I get a grip on myself. I need to be ambitious. I need to be a growing person. It is enough of being lazy. Laziness won't get me anywhere in life. I need to be motivated and begin to motivate and inspire myself. Sitting and building castles in the air will not get me to any goal. It will only make me depressed. Fooling around and e-mailing girls on will not get me any shidduchim. If I work on myself to be a kind, caring, and ambitious individual it might score be some brownie points. It is time to take charge of my life. Prioritize. Decide my goals and go for them. Push aside the stumbling blocks. Create goodness and purpose. Inspire others. Help others. Create a diffrence. Sleeping in bed will not accomplish this. Chatting on-line until 4:00 won't either. Doing other unmentionables deffinatley will not. It is the occasion to take what g-d has given me, my talents, my brains, my body to make it into a tool of one that g-d, humanity, and myself can be proud of. I must mold myself into a kli. Torah can only be poured into a soul if it is a kli. My job is to be the potter and form this masterpiece. It will be a tough journey. Anything worthwhile in life is not easy and not cheap. Providing for a family, being a father, a husband, a pillar in the community and to be a sourse of guidance for other is only accomplised through building and hard work. The time for me to start is now.

If I aim high I might get to the bottom rung.

My ambitions and goals:
1) Finish Shas and Kol Hatorah Kulah at least once in my life.
2)Write a Sefer Torah
3)get my accounting degree and provide for my family
4) learn to be the best person I can be
5) learn to appreciate people
6)become the best father and husband I can be
7)stop looking, thinking, talking about prusti-zachin
8) Have more kibud av v'em
9)Learn an extra 5 min a day
10)learn to play a music instrument
11) learn not to be depressed
12) learn some good magic tricks and dance moves to do at chasunas

I won't be depressed or intimidated when I re-read what I wrote.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My Trip to Lakewood

Friday: 1:30 PM

I boarded a bus on Avenue J and Coney Island, heading towards Lakewood, NJ. I had money in my pocket from being paid earlier in the day by my now defunct job. I was still in high spirits since I didn't have to think anything about work until the following Monday.

The two and a half hour ride was like any other Jewish charter bus. The men on the right, the women on the left. I don' t think anyone was insulted. The weather was holding up as we pulled in to Lakewood. I got off at my stop at Foster Ave and Thirteenth St. I looked around. Quaint houses dotted the horizon. Yeshivah bachurim, yungurmen, children, women in sheitels pushing baby carriages, filled the streets. I felt a little as if I had been plucked up and placed in Yerusahalyim again. I called my dear freind whom I was suppose to meet and he pcked me up and brought me to his uncle. A note on phone services: If you have T-mobile don't expect it to work on most streets. If you are standing on one toe off a balconey under a metal pipe you might get one bar. Verizon however, has good coverage. After siting a little in my friend's uncle's house reading the Hamodia and Yated, jewish weekly newspapers, and the Hamishpocha Magazine, another friend came by in his two door caddy to take us to the beach, a twenty minute drive away. I have not had so much fun in such long time. I beshitah do not like cold. The water however looked inticing, so slowly I waded in. The sand felt good between my feet. It was a mechyeha. I even took off my bathing suit in the water to go to the Mikvah!

After our swim, we headed back to the BMG (Beis Medrash Gevoha) dorm, the Irvington, or commonly and affectionately known as the Irv. There the walls perminently reek of smoke from the many years of late night ponderings of shidduchim choices, hard kashyos, and halchos shailos and mussar sedarim thtat go on late into the wee hours of the morning. Holding my nose I rushed into the room where my friend slept and there was an empty bed for shobbos because someone has to go on a motzei shabbos shidduch. Aftre getting dressed, and showered for shobbos we headed over to Cong. Anshei Seafard, on Cliffton Ave and seventh street. All types of yeshivish, chassidish yungerman and bachurim filled the streets. It was Kollel heaven. Big payos, thick payos, beind the ear, thick Elvis sideburns, you name it they have it. Long beards, short beards, trimmed beards eevrthing you can imagine. After davening we headed to our meal.

Shabbos 8:25 am

I woke up. We headed over to the Capitol Hotel on Madison Avenue and Seventh Street. After a nice davening we walked over to Wispering Pines, a house project that was built to accomodate as many couples as possible without going insane. Basements are rented out and there is no where to park the cars, but somehow people manage. To get to the project you first must cross a busy high way called County Line Rd. Here the cars never stop zooming and the yeshivish never stop crossing. It is like krias yam suf.

It was interesting to see a project that reminded me of Har Nof or Benei Brak. All frum people and no cars on shabbos with an eruv. It was quite an experience. After our meal and davening Mincha I slept until 8:20 pm like a normal yeshivah bachur, and ate suedah slishis. Motzei Shabbos I went swimming in a pool and then headed over to the main BM on Seventh Street between Forest and Lexington. Between these two streets is this massive uilding that greets you like an oasis in a dessert. The building is massive. This is only one of many. Inside are hundreds of rooms with hundreds of shtenders and chairs. People walk in and out 24/7. The walls reverberate with the Kol Torah at all hours of the night. This makom is a hotbed for the newest reid and the brightest and smartest gemarah kups in America if not the whole world. After walking around the buildings and marveling and the beauty, we headed back to the dorm.

Sunday 8:30 am
We went to daven Shachris in a small shteibel on Madison Ave. and Eigth Street. Then we headed over to the main bulding to eat breakfast. They served eggs, soft and hard, bread, cahllah, cereal, jam, margarine, peanut butter, oatmeal, orange juice, bekitzur a real feast. then it was time to go and learn. I went downstairs in to one of the many massive rooms and sat by a shtender. The noise of Torah was musci to my ears. Hundred of people were discussing at the top of their lungs lumdus and were in high heaven.

Of course after that Ihad to go meet the shadchanim of Leakwood. There are two official Shadchanim. I only had the zechus of meeting one. He is a very with it person, younge, cool , calm, collected and a sharp eye. He could read a bachur by just seeing his yalmulka. (Jk, I don't know what he thinks, but I have heard he has made over 150 shidduchim in seven years). Any girl who wants the best in Lakewood goes to these shaddchanim. I spoke with him and he took my number. I felt honored.

While waiting for the bus which was going to leave at 4:00 pm, I took a walk down Cliffton Ave to the center of Historic Lakewood est 1892. There I walked to Pizza Plus and had two slices of pizza. Walking balk to the Irv, to pick up my belongings on my right I passed the Cliffton Grade school and the Little League Park. With Beis Shalom looming behind me I walked towards Forest and ninth too pick up the bus. My stay in Lakewood had ended. Do I regret not going to learn there? A little, there is always that nagging feeling like maybe I could have become a better person if I would learn in such a makom ha torah. But there is that feeling that says I wouldn't have enjoyed it it is not for me I am not on such a madregah to learn 24/7.

Anger-the Biggest Loser

Last week I became angry at someone for a split moment. I was chatting with someone on-line and they were being very polite to me and they were doing me a favor even though they had no idea who I was. This person was going all out to really be nice and caring to me. In a fit of rage and self contempt I hurled an insult that really came because of a deep unconcious hatred of myself. Becuase of that I lost out. The remorse I had over shabbos because of my stupidity and the loss of not gaining a friend and the assistance I needed is gnawing at me. If you read this please forgive me.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Broken Heart With Just

My heart is broken. I wish I had glue to repair the damage. But ultimatley I know it is what Hashem wants. I wish it didn't hurt so much but beyond the pain I see the healing and the love.
Thank you for loving. If it was meant to be, it would have been. I will not go against what was ordained. It is not within my rights. May G-d wipe the tears off our cheeks and bring us salvation each their proper one at their proper time to build the glory of Hashem. Once again you are right.

What Women Want

Dr. Barbra De Angelis

What Women Want Men to Know

Things that starve love

withholding feelings
taking your partner for granted
acting as a loner
building resentments
working too hard
blaming your partner

Things that feed Love

expressing gratitude
acting as a team
clearing up issues
reaching out
spending time together
taking responsibility for your part

In order to keep the peace women often don't express how upset we really are. We don't stand up for ourselves, and we downplay the severiy of our dissatisfaction with our mate.

The Three "A"s: Three Ways to Feed your Partner's heart
1. Attention
2. Affection
3. Appreciation

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Trivial Pursuit

Update on which gender has more pain
Death less painful for the rich
Does money buy happyness?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Funny Pics

Funny Pics

Hassidic Managment

A story excerpted from the book Hassidic Managment:
An urban legend among salesmen tells of a man who went from one hardware store to the next, with the same strange request-"I want a round hole." Every clerk dismissed him as a pest and sent him on his way. Finally, the man wandered into the last hardware store in town, and declared, "I want a round hole." The clerk who was a good listener and a quick thinker, responded, "We're all out of those today. But I've got a great deal on drill bits." The clerk made the sale, because he took the time to understand the customer and his problem.

This reminds me of the story of Hillel and Shamai. I find it important not to ignore people even when they get on my nerves. Besides a lesson in savlanut, patience, good things happen to poeple who respect others and their wants; if I could be the one to fill them, then it would be my pleasure to do so.

Would The Kotzker Blog?

The disciples of Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotsk once asked him why he did not write a book. He replied, " Let's suppose that I took the trouble to write a book. My opponents would not buy it, for they despise me. So, only my followers would purchase the book. Now, our people are poor, and work hard during the week, so they will only have time to read my book on the Sabbath. And when will they get to read it on the Sabbath? After they have prayed the Friday evening service, and enjoyed a festive meal with their families-only then will they have time to read. So, let's suppose one of my followersstreches out on his sofa, takes the book and opens it. He is tired from the weeks work and drowsy from the meal, and he quickly falls asleep, the book slipping from his hand to the floor. Now, tell me, shall I go to the trouble of writing a book just to put my followers to sleep?"

"It was only when I wrote my first book that the world I wanted to live in opened to me."

Anais Nin

A hypothetical question I have is, would the Kotzker blog to day knowing that people have internet access 24/7?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Garbage: hidden or open?

A quick note about some chiddushim I heard tonight in a shiur on shabbos. It was given by Rabbi Shlomo Pearl in the Bostoner Shul on E29. He said how important it is to observe Shabbos and how it could save you up to 1.2 million dollars. If every week you do something wrong by accident and without knowing something was prohibited you are required to bring a chatas. Which is about $2,000. Do the math for one year. Quite a hefty sum of cash.

He also mentioned how many women on Yom Kippur come to make a bracha levatalah when they go to shul and repeat the bracha of shehechiyanu after having said it already while lighting of the candles.

For the grand finally, while speaking on tiltul garbage on shabbos, he discussed the permisibility of using the garbages under the sink. Is it muksa to touch them even tiltul min hatzad. If they swing out they are a problem.

He then said hillariously how this is the latest fad among shidduch questioners, where is the garbage located. It is out in the open or hidden underneath the sink? That got many laughs. Truthfully though, in my opinion, where garbage is located does make a house neater. I certainly do not like living in a garbage dump. However, although I am a clean person and very into hygenics, I would not disreagard a shidduch based on a trivial matter as where the garbage is located. Although, it would be something I might bring up to in a conversation with a perpective girl on a date to see if she wouldn't mind if we could keep the garbage hidden.

The Chizuk

I was down at work and a dear friend of mine sent me this Chizuk. Thanks.

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career. When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."

The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would
have done it all so differently.
So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building, then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow.

Build wisely!

Who has it harder?

For those women who complain about having it bad that they must go throught the pain of childbirth please read an excerpt from an article:
JE vayechi

"Behind these wills lies the understanding that earning a livelihood is a major struggle both in economic terms but also morally and ethically. In the midrash Rabbi Yose bar Chalafta taught, "Parnasah is more difficult than childbirth; Eve's punishment was to give birth in sorrow but regarding Adam it is written, 'in sorrow will you eat all the days of your life' (Genesis, 3: 16-17). Rabbi Shmuel ben Nachman said, 'Parnasah is greater [spiritually] than redemption. Regarding redemption Jacob said, 'the angel who redeemed me (Genesis, 48:16) but regarding our livelihoods we read, (Psalms 145: 16) 'He [G-d] opens His Hand and satisfies all that lives.'"

Making a living is much harder, and that is imposed on the husband. I wonder why this is if the entire fault of eating from the Eitz Hadas started from Chava, a woman. Any Ha'aros are appreciated.

Holy Eyes

Holy Eyes

Modesty in the Workplace

Jewish Ethicist
Modestly in Judaism, is not restricted to matters of dress or the intermingling of the sexes. It applies equally to patterns of consumption and relieves the pressure on people to increase their wealth. Such pressures create a society that is the antithesis of Judaism since it intensifies social rifts, makes materialism the sole focus of life, and causes people to accept immoral ways of earning money, when other ways fail.
As befits the descendants of Avraham our role models are different from those of Bilaam. "The Talmid Chakham provides for his family according to his means, without excessive devotion to this. His clothing should neither be that of kings [fashion trendsetters] nor that of poor people" (Mishneh Torah, Hilkhot Deot, chapter 5,halakhot 2,4-13). This codified the verse in the Tanach, "You shall walk modestly before HaShem" (Michah 6:8).
"Go to the ant you sluggard" (Proverbs 6:6), is hailed as a good message for us to be diligent, work hard and devote ourselves to wealth creation. Yet the Rabbis saw this as a message to be avoided, since it is the epitome of foolishness and wasted endeavor." The ant lives only for one season and eats only two grains of wheat. Yet it labors ceaselessly to amass a fortune.

Monday, July 11, 2005


Then a woman said,
Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises
was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the
very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

Kahlil Gibran

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Are you happy?

Check this out. VERY FUNNY clips.
Especially if your single.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Application Essay: first draft

I feel as if I am in my own little world. My world is not always a world of melancholy, but sometimes I am enclaved and ensconed by my own mind and actions. My mind questions and seeks for the answers, "What people make up my community?", "Whom do I respect?", "Whom do I wish to emulate?", "How do I fit in G-d's plan and what is my purpose?".
As a Jew, my comittment, association, passions, likes, needs, and wants are different than the average American, I so assume. How do I, or more importantly- can I, "mainstream" with the average "Joe" on the street if I am labeled a "weirdo"? Diverisity in American culture is projected as one of tolerance. How far does the average American tolerate Jews?
Why do I bother to pose or even think these questions? The questions mentioned above were inspired and encouraged by a seemingly insiduous, and influential variable that decided to enter my life and sphere of stimulation and motivation recently. This interactive stimulating variable is the application essay to Brooklyn College. My observation of my little world has changed perspective, from a small Yeshiva setting, to one of a more worldly, educative plane. The cause and effect syndrome and the corresponding relationship between the application essay and my new concentrative exposure to the world of "Who am I?" scares the living daylights out of me. The achievment of this remarkable result is to be credited to the intelligent and inquisitive people at the Application Center. (I hope you will accept my application based on this heaped kotowing of such wonderful people as yourself).

Finish later.

Unanswered Question

Yeshivah in the summer is great. A little learning and A LOT of partying. Kind of like camp. The learning is like the icing on the cake. Life goe on but the excitment of learning the Daf and reading the parsha has this satisfying feeling that is undescribable. Ummmmm. So good. Job hunting is no fun. My brow is really sweating. I sent in my application for Brooklyn College. Don't ask. The pains and tribulations of college has just begun. Even at the post office I got yelled at for parking my bike On gooovernment proooperty. Grow up. I don't need to be yelled at like a child. If you want to tell me I did something wrong don't yell, kindly ask me not to do it again. Then, I'll think if I want to listen to you.

I have realised that my blog does not address contovertial topics. I wonder why some people are attracted to certain topics and others are not. I wonder why people are attracted to my blog and others to other blogs. I'm sure it would make a great dissertation for college. I personally am attracted to blogs that are written by Jewish Females. Weird, no? Do you think I should go to a pyschiatrist?

Reading blogs written by Jewish Females whom I fantasize of meeting(and vocally upset BP/Yeshivish/Sexually repressed chassidim) give me this feeling of togetherness with a little guilt. Am I really part of that group? Do I want to be associated with people who are sexually inhibited by Judaisim? Why do I feel that I am sexually inhibited by the shidduch system and that I can't "get no satisfaction"? Where is that feeling leading me and how do I change it to become "normal", if there is such a thing? Will reading blogs written by Jewish Girls affect my marriage, and will it deplete my "sexual currency" that I should be building up for my future wife and marriage? Questions like these lead me to depression. I can handle the "religious frustration" blogs, but the sexual aspect of blogging makes me just want to lower my head and cry. Admitidly, many Jewish Female blogs have opened my mind to appreciate Judaisim as I never have before. Their understanding, depth, and love, shines forth from their poems, postings, and outlook on life. But, and the BIG but is, does it have a negative impact on me spiritually or does it not?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The resolution

I would like to thank all the commentors on my previous posts. I am still in a state of mild depression because I was given such a test. I spoke it over with my Rabbis and they concured that there must be a physical attraction. The way I proceeded was as follows. I told the shadchan to tell her that I had a wonderful time and that my Rebbi told me that I should hold it off for now and we should both go on living normal lives and for all practical purposes it is a no. However, I feel the need to take a break and give it a long think about what are my priorities, what personality I want, and what looks I can live with. And if down the line I decide to change my mind I can always call the shaddchan and see if she is available. If she would have lived here in Brooklyn I might have given it another shot to be totally sure I can't stand her looks/personality?, but since she isn't here it doesn't pay to fly there to see her. If I go out with more girls and see that her personality was better than the ones I go out with, I will get back in touch with her. I did see she was not metrialistic which was a HUGE plus in my book. Handling the rest of the worries about actually living together and meeting her family and living just with her was too much to comprehend and to live with at this point to take a gamble if I wasn't impressed with her gait/smile/voice/hands/tuches.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Oy! Am I a mess! When it rains it pours. The obvious consquence of that is that I become drenched. Four job offers and none that I see that as the PERFECT job. One requires me to work in the mountains, which means no dating, comfort of home, internet, blogging, and being away from my beloved yeshivah and chaverim. The other job is a part time working with develpmentally disabled people, which is only sporadic during the week and not the most fun. The pros are, it is good pay and I'm in my yeshivah and I have internet and ability to date. The other job which I still haven't confirmed if there really is a job available becuase I haven't spoken to the person who I was referenced to, and therefore it is a sofek if it exists and I sort of gave my word on the mountain camp job and I can't backout becuase I am embarrased to go on an interview with the second job and then say sorry I have the first job or tell the first job I found a better job. See? I am stuck. So I am wallowing in self pity now, trying to extricate myself but not knowing what to do. I still don't know what o do about the shidduch. It may be due to my imaturity in not realizing that marriage is not based on beauty and my head is saying another girl won't be any better, but my heart is saying stay away, not noggeiah.
In my pity I went shopping to make myself a barbeque. It is summer you know! I use the george forman grill, it should come out well. Yummy. Anyone want to join for a B-B-Q date? I am kind of lonely :-( .