Thursday, July 07, 2005

Unanswered Question

Yeshivah in the summer is great. A little learning and A LOT of partying. Kind of like camp. The learning is like the icing on the cake. Life goe on but the excitment of learning the Daf and reading the parsha has this satisfying feeling that is undescribable. Ummmmm. So good. Job hunting is no fun. My brow is really sweating. I sent in my application for Brooklyn College. Don't ask. The pains and tribulations of college has just begun. Even at the post office I got yelled at for parking my bike On gooovernment proooperty. Grow up. I don't need to be yelled at like a child. If you want to tell me I did something wrong don't yell, kindly ask me not to do it again. Then, I'll think if I want to listen to you.

I have realised that my blog does not address contovertial topics. I wonder why some people are attracted to certain topics and others are not. I wonder why people are attracted to my blog and others to other blogs. I'm sure it would make a great dissertation for college. I personally am attracted to blogs that are written by Jewish Females. Weird, no? Do you think I should go to a pyschiatrist?

Reading blogs written by Jewish Females whom I fantasize of meeting(and vocally upset BP/Yeshivish/Sexually repressed chassidim) give me this feeling of togetherness with a little guilt. Am I really part of that group? Do I want to be associated with people who are sexually inhibited by Judaisim? Why do I feel that I am sexually inhibited by the shidduch system and that I can't "get no satisfaction"? Where is that feeling leading me and how do I change it to become "normal", if there is such a thing? Will reading blogs written by Jewish Girls affect my marriage, and will it deplete my "sexual currency" that I should be building up for my future wife and marriage? Questions like these lead me to depression. I can handle the "religious frustration" blogs, but the sexual aspect of blogging makes me just want to lower my head and cry. Admitidly, many Jewish Female blogs have opened my mind to appreciate Judaisim as I never have before. Their understanding, depth, and love, shines forth from their poems, postings, and outlook on life. But, and the BIG but is, does it have a negative impact on me spiritually or does it not?

2 Comments:

Blogger Daphna said...

First-my mom went to Brooklyn College. Congrats on the excellent choice, and good luck!

You are feeling sexually inhibited and that you "can't get no satisfaction" from the shidduch system because you ARE sexually inhibited and getting no sexual satisfaction from the shidduch system. The point of the shidduch system is not to give you sexual satisfaction and is not to help you "get laid" (if you will excuse a crude term). The point of the shidduch system is to help you focus and find a wife in as respectful, streamlined and efficient way as possible (theoretically and idealy), in a manner that is true to the ideals of Torah Judaism. Which means, among other things, no wedding no bedding.

You sound perfectly normal to me. I would be more concerned if you were not interested in sex. As to whether your reading blogs will hurt your relations with your wife--hard to say, depends on what you are reading. My blog, for example, would give you the impressiion that all women are crazed and bitter. But really, what are the chances that you will marry a 35 year old cynical, burned out spinster? Pretty slim, no? Think of it as a cautionary tale--get married young, so you can avoid having to do the dating scene with the women like me.

4:27 AM  
Blogger EN said...

daphna- Thank you for saying I am normal ;-). The impression I get from your blog is one of an intelligent, smart,kind,spiritual woman who is going through some tough times but never gives up. I could use someone with those qualities in a wife. ;-) I am trying to work on marrying young but my level of maturaty still requires some tuning, I guess.

12:02 PM  

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