Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The resolution

I would like to thank all the commentors on my previous posts. I am still in a state of mild depression because I was given such a test. I spoke it over with my Rabbis and they concured that there must be a physical attraction. The way I proceeded was as follows. I told the shadchan to tell her that I had a wonderful time and that my Rebbi told me that I should hold it off for now and we should both go on living normal lives and for all practical purposes it is a no. However, I feel the need to take a break and give it a long think about what are my priorities, what personality I want, and what looks I can live with. And if down the line I decide to change my mind I can always call the shaddchan and see if she is available. If she would have lived here in Brooklyn I might have given it another shot to be totally sure I can't stand her looks/personality?, but since she isn't here it doesn't pay to fly there to see her. If I go out with more girls and see that her personality was better than the ones I go out with, I will get back in touch with her. I did see she was not metrialistic which was a HUGE plus in my book. Handling the rest of the worries about actually living together and meeting her family and living just with her was too much to comprehend and to live with at this point to take a gamble if I wasn't impressed with her gait/smile/voice/hands/tuches.


Blogger Daphna said...

Sounds like your plan is a sensible one--figure out what you want. Actually--a summer in the mountains w/o dating and w/o internet and w/ time away from your usual scene may be ideal for your purposes. It is often much easier to think about something when you are not smack in the middle of it.

Remember that just b/c you think it would be "better" or show better midot to be able to accept and be happy with X, Y or Z, if you are not there spiritually/personally, you are not there, and you may as well just accept it about yourself. Trust me (and this will sound terrible, but I know you have read my blog and will understand why I have this view), if G-d really and truly feels that you have to develop the ability to love an ugly woman, He is eminently capable of sending you a gorgeous one, and then messing her up once you are married. In the meantime, look for a woman for you, not the person you might wish you were.

7:53 AM  
Blogger EN said...

Daphna-Wow, thanks for the Ha'ara! What you write makes so much sense. I never thought of that.

9:01 AM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

If you have NO attraction to her, it's over, lulei demistafina. Nothing to think about.

9:42 PM  

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