Monday, June 27, 2005

Why I want to get married.

Ramban
2:24

A man should therefore leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And cling to his wife, and they shall come one flesh- According to Rashi, “ one flesh” refers to the child wherein their flesh becomes united. But this does not stand to reason, because even cattle and beasts [which do not cling to their mates] become united in their offspring. I think the correct interpretation is as follows: Male animals do not bond with females. Rather, the animals mate and go different ways. Adam’s wife was “bone from his bone and flesh from his flesh,” therefore he would cling to her, loving her as his own flesh, and wanting to be with her always. Adams nature is ingrained in his offspring, therefore males leave their fathers and mothers, clinging to their wives, and considering them their own flesh. In fact, by leaving his father and mother man shows that his wife is closer than his parents are.

We find in the Torah that close relatives are called “near of his flesh.” For example After all he is our brother, our own flesh. (37:27) and, No person should approach his near flesh,(lev. 18:6) meaning a close relative.

8 Comments:

Blogger Shopaholic said...

I learned that, Hakdush B'ruch Hu put down in this world the concept of 'attraction' so that man and women can get married and have kids. Peru ur'ivu. Therefore,
"A man should [therefore] leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife..."

9:16 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

I hope you get married very soon.

So, how are your table manners, YG.

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hatzlacha

3:53 PM  
Blogger Daphna said...

Okay, perhaps them Munsey girls are different, but if you talk like this on a date where I come from, you are going to crash and burn. We women like to feel special. We like to feel adored. What we do not like to feel is that we are a mere halachic observance.

Where is the "You" in all of your ponderings in why you want to get married? Nice to know how the Rambam feels, but why do YOU want to get married? Love? Do you see little kids and imagine having your own? Do you fantasize about singing Eschet Chayil on Shabbat to a woman you are crazy about? Are you lonely? Would you appreciate a woman's imput in your life (consider if you will, the position of Sarah and Rebecca; they called quite a few shots).

And the million dollar question--if all you can come up with is someone else's rather sterile reasons...are you ready? Are you truly ready to commit yourself to spending the rest of your life with a woman? (I specify woman, and not "another person", intentionally).

4:30 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

This would seem to indicate, lulei demistafina, that a bad marriage is not a marriage at all according to the Torah and that divorce ought to be encouraged if not mandatory.

I have given this a lot of thought.

10:03 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Daphna, not sure what you're saying here...while perhaps the post is a bit clinical, it does, lulei demistafina, portray the Torah as a hopeless romantic.

10:08 PM  
Blogger EN said...

Daphna-Wooha! Hold your horses. If your not ready to take on a Torah scholar no one is forcing you. I agree that a man should want to adore his wife and all those other "romantic" stuff you want to hear. I DO want to have a "woman's" imput as you call it, (could you please explain more in detail what you mean, I am curious to hear), HOWEVER for the Million dollar answer, I am not looking for ENTERTAINMENT. I don't need feminisim pervading my life and crazy ideas that are not Jewish taking over my life. I have priorities to G-d and his Torah and to the Jewish nation to learn and analyze his wants and make myself a better person and do chesed. Some women believe life is all about this world and not realizing that the way they can get Olam Haba is by supporting Torah learning and doing chesed by taking care of their children, instead of pampering themselves. MARRIAGE is a halachic observance whether you like it or not. I profess my love to the woman of my dreams in the language I know best, which is Torah. Take it or leave it.

11:15 PM  
Blogger Daphna said...

The language of Torah? How about this language--when Yitzhak took Rebecca as his wife "and he loved her".

"Some women believe life is all about this world and not realizing that the way they can get Olam Haba is by supporting Torah learning and doing chesed by taking care of their children, instead of pampering themselves."

Yes, and some men are spoiled and selfish and think that the world revolves around them, and that a woman's job is to be thin and attractive for them and that women are better seen and not heard....

Now how much success am I going to have on dates if I carry that chip on my shoulder?

Again, YB-positive thoughts! Not that some women are petty. You have chosen a very challenging path for your life. You need someone very special who has chosen that same path for herself. But not, heaven forbid, that every woman who does not is petty and shallow and selfish, any more than every man who refuses to move to Israel (and marry me) is a pathetic, self-absorbed, lazy slob who is addicted to the good, easy life!

Besides, there are many ways of supporting Torah learning. Who do you think coughs up the money to support the Yeshivas? (hint: it is the men who are out there holding down jobs...and their wives!) Look at the various parts of the community as a team. You are working together to make sure that those blessed with minds especially suited for Torah have the opportunity to study.

Regarding Israel--having been quite successful here so far, I can tell you how difficult it is to get to that point! There is a reason so many people go back, and I cannot and will not condemn those who stay in the US. Besides, I look at it as a team effort--those who are working in the States and raise money and send it here are helping us to build this State. My excellent medical care, for example, is thanks to the women of Hadassah, who built the Sharet Institute for Oncology!

12:17 AM  

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