Friday, September 30, 2005

Will it come?

Last week I was walking home from the date and I was standing in the subway and this man walked over to me and asked me if the "Q" train was on this track. I told him, "yes, it is." He then proceeded to tell me in English how he is from Israel and droned on about something I didn't pay much attention to. Then the "N" train came, he started to go into the train but I knew he wanted the "Q" so I tapped him on the shoulder and told him it was the wrong train. He got off and then when the "Q" came to the station we got on together. We sat next to each other and he started telling me how he was getting money from Bank Leumi in Manhattan, but his ATM card expired and he need to buy kidney medicine for his sick son, and his wife and daughter were waitng by the pharmacy in Queens, and they were leaving that night and all the banks were close, and asked me as a Jew if I could lend him money and he would pay it back. I was skeptical, because I really don't have money to lend, and I didn't fully trust him, but some how, after telling me it was right before Rosh Hashana and, we are all Jews and he would do the same for me if I was in his situation, he got me to withdrawl $140+1.50 fee + 2.00 for subway ticket=$143.50 and promised to send me direct and money order from the airport. I am still waiting for it to come. This was two weeks ago.

Happy B-Day

Happy B-day to me :-)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The E-mail

I'm sorry I waited until the last minute to get back to you. I wanted to wait to think about things and to receive eitzah from people who I trust. After this thinking and eitzah I wanted to get back to you to let you know that I don't feel that this is shayich for me. Thanks so much for everything. I want to wish you hatzlacha in the future and in finding the right person for you.

Kesiva Vechasima Tova,

Sunday, September 25, 2005



The date began calmly enough. We met in Manhattan and I (and that was as far as my knowledge went) was happy to see her, and heaved an internal sigh of relief that she didn't grow uglier over the last few days. You understand, I'm sure it has happened to you, that you went on a border line date that something bothered you and the next time you met the problem was still there and didn't magically disappear. Topically, there was no immediate danger of feelings of compromising on anything. I smiled to her, she smiled back, and the conversation began in ernest. During the meal conversation flowed, she doing most of the talking, but it was what I liked, hearing new opinions, novel ideas, she was quite interesting to listen to. Her voice is quite mesmerizing. Of course by now I have learned that girls take ages to make decisions about if they feel it is the right one. Their emotional stablity is precarious and it is best not to tip it off. So suggestions or any indication of moving to the next step until they are ahead of you is not advisable. Sometimes there is a slip up but I hope I correct it before it does much damage. As every girl, she knows millions of people with broken engagments and divorces and it is best not to rush into such an important thing as marriage. Feeling as I was that she had potential but her speaking of not knowing if I had potential made me nervous, but I understand where she is coming from and agreed. There is nothing to rush. When she told me, (after paying $40 dollars for a meal she didn't even eat from, at least she took it in a doggy bag) that she dated another guy for a month and then said no to him, my stomach started to flutter. Is all the money I would spend on all those dates going down the trash? Well, what can I do if G-d wants that it should happen it will and there is no arguing. We walked around a bit more, talking about how many dates until engagment, and what should you feel when you know or when should you turn it down. Looking back, it was a painful discussion because it was just talk and it felt more like a mussur seder than a fun date. She was talking how to be cautious about a marriage partner and here I was trying to decide if she was good for me. Well it was an intensive lesson. I was mad tired when I got home. Before I got on the subway, I din't know how to bring up the question if she wanted to go on another date. I need time to think, but it was something that I couldn't say no upfront, so generally I say yes even if I feel something bothers me. This time I it was a lesser twing than in the past. I suggested maybe she would want to go throught the shaddchan on sawyouastsinai, but she didn't give a dirrect response and asked me if she could have time to think about it and then she would e-mail me with a yes or no. I got on the train and headed home. If it will be a yes or no, only g-d knows. I am just soooooo worn out I don't know what to make of it.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Blog in Book Form


Thursday, September 22, 2005


Religion. Hashkafa. Perspective. All very powerful words. Will it make it or break it? I found out that the mother of the girl I am dating does not cover her hair. Should that be a break it issue?

Update: I asked my Rabbi if it should be an issue and he said that if everything else looks ok and the parents are honest people then it should not be an issue. Now, how do I find out if they are honest people?

Monday, September 19, 2005

New Beginnings

I have dated this awesome girl. Great middos and a bren for Torah-cute too. Her smile can light up any dark room. Now, it is a matter of playing the game right. The trick is not to seem too desperate and needy. Not to call her up whenever I think about her. Think of ways to make her like me. I must say intelligent things and not make a fool of myself. The dating game must play itself out until it becomes second nature and habit that my giving turns into a love. I hope she will reciprocate and not leave me disappointed and a broken soul as so many others have done.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

The War of Wills

It has been a while since I have posted. I suppose that is a good thing in some respects. It means that I have not had much time to waste on the computer. To those of you who still check back to see if I have posted anything new, I feel honored and special that you think I have something important that you can learn from, or for that matter, entertaining. My days have been spent learning in the mornings and listening to lectures in college and experiencing being in the outside world. As my chavrusa said, "College is a mussar seder". College gives me a base where I can appreciate the Torah and my Jewishness. I am not part of a melting pot. I am constantly part of a culture that values life and change for the better. I am proud to be a Jew and learning the Jewish religion. Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, is almost upon us. It is a time of reflection and growth. It is a time to start afresh and anew. Repentance is a gift from G-d. Life is enjoyable and one must will his Yetzer Harah to undertand that there is great reward for someone who is willing to work.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

The List

I am a bit upset now. Motzei Shabbos I recieved a letter from HESC, the higher education sevice corperation. They denied my application for scholarship based on the fact that I am a dependant of my parents who don't live in NY. Never mind the fact I have been "renting/living/dorming" in NY for over a year. Why shouldn't I be considered an independant? Because I am claimed as a dependant?!
Which brings me to a different, but not a totally unrelated issue, about the clash between independence and authority. I was required to cut into second seder twice a week to take a class in college and my Rosh Yeshivah had a cow. He told me afterward, he debated throwing me out of yeshivah. I don't disagree with him on the issue. Yeshivah is meant to be a place to gt away from the shmutz of the world-but where do I fit in? I am beholdent to the culture I am brought up in, at the same time to face the crazy world we live in with all its hardships. Why couldn't there be a miracle that my application should have been accepted. I wouldn't have minded not worrying from where and how I am going to pay for college. Well, just another headache that I need to pray to G-d to resolve for me on Rosh Hashana. He sure likes a long list.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

A Hard Earned Lesson

Philosophy is not Torah.

Why did I have to make conversation with the philosophy professor? I knew it would lead nowhere, as it did.

Good thing I had a dear friend show me the right path.

My two worlds are at edges with each other, but they keep trying to conquer and assimilate. I need a clear defining line.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Toke'a B'Shofar Gadol

Friday, September 02, 2005

Av = Elul Bah

Elul is on its way. Good Shabbos.