Sunday, September 25, 2005



The date began calmly enough. We met in Manhattan and I (and that was as far as my knowledge went) was happy to see her, and heaved an internal sigh of relief that she didn't grow uglier over the last few days. You understand, I'm sure it has happened to you, that you went on a border line date that something bothered you and the next time you met the problem was still there and didn't magically disappear. Topically, there was no immediate danger of feelings of compromising on anything. I smiled to her, she smiled back, and the conversation began in ernest. During the meal conversation flowed, she doing most of the talking, but it was what I liked, hearing new opinions, novel ideas, she was quite interesting to listen to. Her voice is quite mesmerizing. Of course by now I have learned that girls take ages to make decisions about if they feel it is the right one. Their emotional stablity is precarious and it is best not to tip it off. So suggestions or any indication of moving to the next step until they are ahead of you is not advisable. Sometimes there is a slip up but I hope I correct it before it does much damage. As every girl, she knows millions of people with broken engagments and divorces and it is best not to rush into such an important thing as marriage. Feeling as I was that she had potential but her speaking of not knowing if I had potential made me nervous, but I understand where she is coming from and agreed. There is nothing to rush. When she told me, (after paying $40 dollars for a meal she didn't even eat from, at least she took it in a doggy bag) that she dated another guy for a month and then said no to him, my stomach started to flutter. Is all the money I would spend on all those dates going down the trash? Well, what can I do if G-d wants that it should happen it will and there is no arguing. We walked around a bit more, talking about how many dates until engagment, and what should you feel when you know or when should you turn it down. Looking back, it was a painful discussion because it was just talk and it felt more like a mussur seder than a fun date. She was talking how to be cautious about a marriage partner and here I was trying to decide if she was good for me. Well it was an intensive lesson. I was mad tired when I got home. Before I got on the subway, I din't know how to bring up the question if she wanted to go on another date. I need time to think, but it was something that I couldn't say no upfront, so generally I say yes even if I feel something bothers me. This time I it was a lesser twing than in the past. I suggested maybe she would want to go throught the shaddchan on sawyouastsinai, but she didn't give a dirrect response and asked me if she could have time to think about it and then she would e-mail me with a yes or no. I got on the train and headed home. If it will be a yes or no, only g-d knows. I am just soooooo worn out I don't know what to make of it.


Blogger Moiy-rah said...

is she worth it?????

2:24 AM  
Blogger EN said...

Are you refering to the money or the headache? She does happen to have a good job and is kinda cute. The worst problem is commitment issues. I am starting to realize why it is such a problem. One day I like her, the next I can't stand her.

9:21 AM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

I am happy to see that you are still dating her. It seems this one has some potential. Because all Shidduchim, have peaks and troughs. Ups and downs. The last few that were going straight up to the moon, everything is only good and wonderful.. you just know it will crash..


9:52 AM  
Blogger Moiy-rah said...

either its a go,, and you both like eachother or its nisht.

i dont go out wiht anyone if they are not interested in me. why would you want to date someone if she's not completely interested?

6:30 PM  
Blogger Meg P said...

what the hell is wrong with you, the term "no pain, no gain" is true for every facet of life. DONT BE CHEAP!!!!
it is very uncool, and hell a girl can pick up on that in a second, i completely understand you not having too much cash, but it should not always be on the forefront of your mind especially on a date, it should be the last thing to think about. look at it as an investment! if you don't end up going out again think of the money like $40 worth of experience on dates, it can only improve you. and if it works out well then you would certainly not be cheap around your wife, so treat each one like a prospect and as wife to be, and fancy her, i cant re-emphazie it enough DONT BE CHEAP!!!!!

12:18 AM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

continued hatzlachah.

May this be THE year!

3:55 PM  
Blogger Daphna said...

She is probably not emotionally instable. What she is, is a woman trying to make the most important decision of her life. That requires serious thought and consideration, and perhaps more than a month.

2:18 PM  

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