Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The Theoretical Post

Yes, so today I had my first philosophy course. What a waste. The professor even admitted it was useless. I couldn't even argue with him. Is this what college is all about? Being part of a group that is inconsistent with what I believe to be ideal? Or should I take the good and spit out the pits? Why are there so many whys? And for that matter why do I want to know why?

I hate college.

Which brings me to English Comp 1.

It is all a matter of perspective. Not grammar.

How dumb.

I am feeling smarter all ready.


P.s. Does it get any better? Can it? Sigh.

Monday, August 29, 2005

For good or for bad?

The place where I never imagined I would want be, but ended up in my imagination. Why?

Thursday, August 25, 2005



Sunday, August 21, 2005


The Claim to Fame

Those girls that have good middos and want to be great wives to their husbands have an upper hand over those girls who are just looking to have a good time in this world. In the Jewish world, good deeds are looked upon more favorably than meterial assets. That is what makes the Jewish people special.

This is a given.

From my last post it might have been construed that looks are what is important to me. That is not true. Looks are just my perception of light filtering through my eye lens. If I close my eyes then that sensation dissapears. The Yeter Harah wishes to wring out every last drop of kedusha from a person. Looks are a gift from Hashem. They are meant to be used properly, like any gift, such as money, lineage, health ect. Like everything in Judaism, we must uncover the the beauty. If it seems obvious then it is probably sheker. Like a dimond in the rough, truth must be polished. Sheker is glamourous. It shines, it sparkles, it grabs the eye. After a few moments, though, it looses its luster.

A true Bas Yisroel is coveted for her middos and her love of Hashem and Torah. The joy that radiates from her face is what will make her beautiful to any man. She is praised.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Looks are Everything?

Happy Tu'BeAv. How can I not mention this romantic holiday. Thank G-d I am dating and have no need to go searching for parties to crash. I think I am beginning to understand the saying of Chazal, Pas Besalo, bread in the basket. When a man has a wife he doesn't think about doing promiscuous things. He is content with what he has because he know he can get it when ever he needs it. He is not looking around. I have been thinking long and hard about the philosophy of "looks" and what makes men attracted to good looking women. I still have not managed to come to a satisfactory understanding. Plain and simple, good looking women are sexy. They hold a better promise for pleasure. No logical argument can overturn a lustful feeling. It is a phenominon that is mysterious and uncomprehensible. Good looking people, statistically, are richer, happier, and smarter than the average yukel. I wonder if beautiful people realize they are beautiful. Any gorgeous looking girls out there? Do you know if you are gorgeous and that men want your beauty, and do you use it for your advantage to flirt and get what you want? Do you flaunt your beauty or do you try to hide it? Do you think you are better at pleasuring a men because of your "assets"? Do you expect more from men finanically, emotionally, ect. because you were given the gift of beauty from G-d? I would love to hear your opinions.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Ten rules for a successful marriage

Last night I attended a shiur by R' Pliskin, author of many books. He handed out a sheet from his book Gateway to Happiness.

Ten rules for a Successful Marriage

1) Keep your main focus on "giving" rather than "taking". When your goal is to give your partner pleasure, you will always find opportunities to meet your goal. As a byproduct you too will gain since people tend to reciprocate positive behavior.

2)Be careful to remain silent when your spouse insults you. By ignoring slights and insults you will prevent many needles quarrels. The momentary unpleasantness will quickly pass.

3)Give up unrealistic expectations. People come into marriage with many expectations which are not consciously expressed. By giving up unrealsitic expectations you will prevent frustration and anger. Don't expect your spouse to be perfect and don't make comparisons.

4)Avoid labeling those things which are not to your likeing as awful. Try to find a positive perspective to things.

5)Think of plans on how to motivate your spouse to want to do what you want him or her to do. If your first strategy is not effective, keep trying different stratagies. Remember that tactful praise is a powerful motivator.

6)Realize that the meaning of your communication is the respose you actually get. Clarify your goals. If your method of communication is not achieving your goal, change your approach. By keeping your eyes on your main goal, which is to have a happy marriage, you will not become sidetracked.

7)Be willing to compromise. Be willing to do something you would rather not do in return for similar behavior from your spouse.

8)Don't blame or condemn your spouse for mistakes. Plan on the best method to prevent the mistaes from reoccuring without arousing resentment or hurting your spouse's feelings.

9)Live in the present. Whatever went wrong in the past is over. Focus on improving the situation in the present.

10)Keep asking yourself: "What can I do to have a happy atmosphere in the house?"

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Ulitimate Bond

Wow! I have just read the post on Jewish Issues Cheating Spouses with all 74 comments, lol. Seems like Aaron opened a large can of worms. I would like to write down some of my thoughts that came up while reading it. The issues of cheating on a spouse or on a marriage or any relationship, as most things, are relative to the people involved and their perspectives they are looking from. Having started a new "relationship" with a girl recently I think I can sort of relate to the feelings at hand. This is my take on the issue. It has been bothering me, with my habit to look at porn and chatting, to feel that I am sort of cheating on my new relationship. What are the guidelines? How long is innaporriate to look at a passing girl? What skirt length is considered tznius to look at and what is deriving enjoyment that is assur? The face is mutur to talk too, but how long the conversation? When I start feeling an erection? When I lean closer to see the perfect face? Can I brush my hands with the cashier girl? It was only for a second and she didn't even notice. Can I chat with an unmarried girl if I am married to "help" her be happy? Can I leave a message on a blog which belongs to a member of the opposite sex? E-mail? I had a teacher who told me the "look but don't touch rule". He unforutnitally was Jewish. The funny thing was, I actually had a crush on his daughter. She was very cute. After seeing so many naked women, will seeing another hurt my realtionship more? Will I actually burn more in Hell? I feel I've seen every possible lewd act that is out there. Can I now go and work in a Seminary? As an Ob/Gyn? As far as I know, the issur of shemiras eyayim applys to everyone no matter how old. A married friend told me he thinks it is posible that if I don't see any girls for a year I will love the ugliest girl. It is possible to stock up on sexual enjoyment and share it with the right person. Is looking at other women besides my wife, who is not beautiful, causing me to not appreciate her, or what's the difference, she is ugly anyway. I think it all depends on attitude. A marriage is something to be built up. Sexual frustrations should be spoken out to a spouse. There should not be anything hidden when it comes to sex. I even think Halacha will agree with me. The gemara says a man should try to convince his wife to have relations with him, never to do it by force. He should appease her in any way. He should talk with her for as long as possible until she is ready, and she should be pleasured first. Respect is the key. The Tanna who hid under the bed of his Rebbi to see how to act during relations heard him speak with his wife for a long time about things he normally wouldn't speak about and that would be considered narishkeit. Communication is immparative, esspecially regarding a physical realtionship. A man should tell his wife what he wants and a woman should speak up as well to say what she doesn't want. I think that is all part of a healthy relationship. If someone think that they can't get something they want from marriage, let us say his wife is a niddah, or is not attractive enough, or is too demanding, it pays to try to work it out. Happiness comes from within. Not only with money, but even sexual gratification. It is not easy. Nothing important is. Aizehu Ashier? Hasameach Bechelko. When a man and woman stand under the canopy it is a promise to communicate and accept the jewel that Hashem has given, the good and the bad. The trick is, get the best one before you give the ring.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Sensitivity in Speech

This afternoon I attended the annual Chofetz Chaim Heritage Video. Rabbi Raymond Beyda and Rabbi Yissachor Frand spoke about Ona'as devarim, hurtful words. R' Beyda spoke about how to use word to build up people and to inspire people and mentioned a story of a 19 year old girl who was a councelor in camp and was thrown out of a moving bus. During the shiva the mother was unconsoled. She was so upset how such a thing could happen to her obediant and helpful daughter. Until a woman came and told her she had a dream of a very holy neshama that was showed all a beautiful mansion that was to be her reward, but there was one room that was locked. She asked why was it locked? The angel answered that it was reward for Kibud Av Ve'em, but since she was an orphan it was closed to her. She begged to go back down to earth and to be able to earn her reward. She was sent down for a short time 19 years. This woman turned to the mother and said this holy neshama is your daughter, and she had completed her mission and now she is reaping her reward. We can see how words can heal and raise broken spirits.
Rabbi Frand also mentioned a story of a big tzadik who signed his name with the term "Laluvas" the humble one, becasue his mother who ws wrongly accused of improper conduct couldn't get a good shidduch, so she davened to hashem that her children should be tzadikim and she invoked the pasuk, the humble spirit. the neshama is as sensitive as the eye. The eye get sensitive even by a particle of dust. So too the neshama.
May Hashem rebuild the temple in our day in the merit of speaking wisely and not hurting another person.

Tisha B'Av 5765

As of midnight: Gaza, West Bank crossings shut down

Israel shut the gates to the Gaza Strip at midnight on Sunday, at the beginning of the end of a 38-year presence.

Implementing the government's disengagement plan, the army was poised to fan out across the settlements during Monday, handing out eviction orders to about half of the settlers who have so far refused to leave. On Wednesday, the physical evacuation will begin, with settlers forcibly removed from their homes if necessary.

All day Sunday, trucks and cars hauling trailers filled with possessions rumbled out of the Strip as settler families left.

Thursday, August 11, 2005


I am not usually one to bash any segment of Jews. I love Jews and I am proud to be called a Jew. However, while reading this article I came across a statement that infuriated me. I am personally not intimidated by any sect of Judaism, be it Ashkenazic,Chasiddish, Litvish, or Sephradic, since I have in my family geneology someone from every sect of Judaism. I think that is why it infuriates me the most to read that a school could call themselves "exclusive" for any sect of Jew. I personally hold the administation as Koffrim and not part of Klal Yisrael. Not that I can do anything about it, and not that my opinion matters much to these people, but deep down I know I am right and I have the self esteem to look at them with pity. They might be doing an important job in teaching Torah, but at the end they are worthless pieces of junk. I know that it is not too eloquent but my anger is preventing me from thinking lucidly.

Haaretz Article

"The answer for many of the schools has been to become even more selective. Dozens of prospective high school students, boys and girls, have been left stranded, without a school this year, and even gentile real estate agents have begun warning house-hunters that they'd better line up a school for their children before they buy in the community. And some of the prejudices that have haunted the Israeli Haredi world are finally hitting Lakewood - one prominent high school for girls which for years admitted students of Mizrahi (Middle Eastern) origin has now changed its policy and announced it will admit only Ashkenazim."

Under the Covers

Today, my camp went bowling. I still am marveling at how kids act. From a grown-ups view (yes, I consider myself a grown-up relatively to these kids :) ), these minors are irresponsible and immature and need to be taught the rules of life. However after observing these children for a while, you can see they are not so dumb after all. For example, one kid is chasing another and exchanging blows. I pulled them apart and ask why are you fighting. Each one says the other hit them. I then asked each kid to explain what happened. Inevitably, it turns out one kid says he hurt the other by mistake but before he had a chance to "appologize" (as if he were), the other hit him first, so he needs to get back at him.

Life is not fair.

We all know that concept. How does learning that concept help us to become better people? Why do we feel better when we look at thing positively and not negatively? What is the message G-d is trying to send us? I find myself becoming more and more beweildered at this world that we live in. Nothing is black and white, nothing is understandable. Science doesn't offer a reason for things. It is clear facts. Where should I turn for the answers and reasons to the contradicting facts I see? I am confused.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Complying with the Law

last night I attended a symposium in Boro Park that delt with Complying with the law. They started this gathering last year and it was a huge success. I heard the tape last year and it was amazing. The line up of speakers was some very prominent people. Rabbi Aaron Twerski, Dean and Professor of Law, Hofstra University was chairman. He spoke about the importance of seat belts, complying with health laws, buying life insurance, and general attitute of compliance. Rabbi zev Chohen, Rosh Beis Din in Chicago, discussed the halacha aspects of stealing from a goy which is ossur midieorisa, if someone steals, even from a goy, he is a kofer and posul for adus in a kedushin,he discussed molestation, and how social workers need to be careful about what they can say to the social services, and being a moser, an informer. The laws are very intracate and complex. He said over a story how someone was called by the FBI to give up records that might implicate another Jew, and when he asked Rav Shwab the question if it is moser, he mentioned the word a frum jew owning a cash business who was being implicated. Rav Schwab asked him to repeat the question. He did. Finally Rav Schab told him don't say he is Frum. He is not. If he is causing pain to someone else. Another story of how one Jew hired another and then that Jew dissapeared and then it was found out he stole some very valuable secrets, and the boss wanted him to give information and the psak was he is allowed to tell because he is a rodef. He makes every Jew look bad. He also metioned the question about driving a rented car even for half a block if you are not in the contract. he also mentioned the grave sin of going to a non-jewish court because "you can get a better deal".
The next speaker was Rav Nachum Laskin, Chaplin of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, and he said how bad it is in prison and how families are distroyed and the children have no father and the wife is a living widow. He explained how in prison there is no favoritisim and if jews want hamentashin, or donuts on purim or chanuka, the goyim want it also, you can't light a fire on lag baomer, only the basic necissities are permitted. He was very emotional and very to the point. He also mentioned how the father has no control over his children because the son says to the father if you repremand me I wont allow you to call me and I wont visit you. Also how a father wasn't even by his son's bris or wedding and his wife had to walk down the aisle herself.
The next speaker was George Meissner, a lawyer who spoke about accepting a subpeona and how to deal if the law catches up with you, how not to get deeper and deeper. He explained that everything is tracable and impossible to escape. There are no more secrets any more. You can't forge signatures and do "genevishi shtick". He spoke how jacking up a sales price for a mortgage to get a good loan is bank fraud and you can sit a lot in jail for it. Also he spoke about how important it is to go to a beis din and it is held in high esteem in court.
Another important Rav, spoke about how there a 5,000 jews in 400 prisons across the US. They are our brothers and we need to recognize them as such. He spoke of Ahavas yisrael and the need to help every Jew.
The last speaker was Benjamin Brafman, a famous criminal lawyer. He spoke about how the action of one frumly dressed jew affects every jew. People get bad impressions. He spoke how the gvernment is nice to us and we can't cheat them even leshem mitzvah. He quoted a rav Moshe Feinstein, how it is ossur for a school to claim more students than there are. He says parents need to educate their children to comply with the law and the yeshivas as well. At the end he said he imagines his grandparents when they were in the gas chambers and dying what they were thinking. Will the Jewish people survive? It seemed so bleak at those moments like nothing will survive. But if you look around you can see we are still here. That is the biggest miracle.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Am I in love?

B'H the date on Sunday went well. The conversation flowed and I really felt a deep connection to her. She was very Tznius in her dress and speech. She made me fell good and cared about me. I felt comfortable around her. I felt a progression in my ability to trust my neshama and ruchnius in her hands. As usual with me, the point of doubt arises in her body. She happens to be a little too well rounded for what I hoped my future wife would be. A little too much extra goodness in the wrong places. B'H her personality outshines this small disturbance and I am going to try all my might to ignore it. No girl is perfect. (Or boy, of course). When I am in her presence the rest of the world melts into oblivion. But when I am away from her, the Yetzer Hara has me jealous of all the girls I see. I think why can't my wife have fantastic legs and body. Why must she have a little dry skin and not flawless smooth hair and skin? Then I shake my head and push those feelings and say the next girl won't love me like this one does. When I speak to her on the phone she makes me melt. I feel so comfortable speaking to her. I hope this will be the beginning of a happy and joyful journey. It is still early to tell and must go on for a while, but it is a start of something beautiful that I never knew existed.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Camp Shenanigans

Today in camp we had this really cool magician come and give a magic show. He was frum, so he made some really funny jewish jokes. He explained how his Rav told him he must explain at least one joke so that we would know it was fake. He showed a handkerchief in an egg trick.
Working with kids is fun. I enjoy it immensely. The trouble begins when, for example, one kid is fat and lethargic, and another kid is athletic and small. How are those two ever going to come to an understanding of each other? Some kids need more attention than others. Some are smart and witty while others and outright stupid. Some kids know the right buttons to push, and some are just so cute that you can't punish them. Case in point. One kid wanted to be goaly in soccer. A minute later a kid who hurt his foot said he could only play goaly. Who gets it? The first kid was there first and he wanted the position. The second kid, who I couldn't tell if he was taking advantage of his "hurt" foot to get the position he wanted. I ended up making them split the time. But along came along a third, and then fourth kid who wanted to play the goaly. One kid was a "space cadet" and the other kids hated him because he always let the ball through, and the other kid was just a plain spoiled brat who always got what he wanted. At that point I gave up being policeman and let the kids fight it out.
Another examples where I had a headache was when kids order me around to hold their toys or drinks like I am their personal maid. I am constantly telling kids I am not their mother and to stop asking me to buy them a soda or toy (yes, a kid asked me to buy him a toy from a gift shop and wouldn't stop nagging me for hours). Kids love to take revenge even if the "sin" was done by accident. The tit-for-tat was so annoying it wanted me to start hitting all the kids involved. Kids grab food like there is no tomorrow and never like to share.
The hard part is when I see an overweight kid eating all the food placed in front of him, asks for three, four more portions, and then go scourging the leftover tables for fifths and sixths. I don't know how to help him. He probably is not fed at home by worried parents so he needs food.
Then there are those kids who curse and say the f-word. What can I say to them to make them stop? If I say something they realize it is annoying and then they use it as a bargaining chip. They use it to manipulate the counselor. There are so many things that kids do that you wonder if they will ever grow up to become normal. I assume they must since I don't see so many adults acting like kids. I wonder how a 90 year old looks down at 40 and 50 year olds and think if they are still acting like children.

Sunday, August 07, 2005


Just a quick update to let you know where I have been....

B'H I am working in a day camp as a councelor and therefore I am not around a computer. It is a breath of fresh air (literally) to be away from the computer. Taking care of kids is a great experiance. It reminds me of my childhood days and of the troublsome antics we would play. It is a whole new perspective on the social activities of children. Yikes! I can't believe that I was a "space cadet". When I compare myself to the kids I am watching, I see myself as one of those kids who didn't care about being with the crowd and was in my own little bubble world. It is painful to see some kids with the same traits. I wish I could teach them maturity quickly. I also see some kids who do not get enough attention at home and those who don't get any sweets. It is painful and sad to see kids licking candies off the floor because they need sweets. One kid told me he can't take home his pizza prize because his mother won't let him eat pizza because he will get dirty. Where have parents sunk to be so selfish to scream and make their kids feel so low? There is so much more to write on the subject and I might do so at a later time.
In other new, B'H I have a date with a girl that I met on sawyouatsinai.com . I plan on taking her to central park. From our phone coversations she sounds like a great girl. She knows halacha and talks a lot. Two things I love in a girl.
Tisha B'Av is drawing closer which mean it is time to work on eradicating sinas chinam. May the temple be built quickly in our days. Amen.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


For Shopaholic ;)

Marriage Tips from Aish.com

Way # 4 - How to Marry the Wrong Person

Way Number 4:

** They don't share common life purpose and priorities. **

There are three basic areas in which people connect:

Chemistry and compatibility

Common interests

Common life goals

Shared interests and goals provide a couple with a deeper level of connection. Make sure that you access it. There are only two ways to grow after marriage: together or apart. To make sure that you grow together, you have to figure out what you're living for while you're single. Then, you'll be able to find someone who has come to the same goals as you. Here are some possible questions to get you started:

Which hobbies or activities does this person enjoy?
Can I relate to them?
Do they interest me now?
If not, might they interest me later as I get to know this person?

How does this person spend his/her discretionary time?
How do I?

What are the things that add meaning to my life?
Does this person have similar priorities and goals?

Although our society doesn't put any real emphasis on thinking about the purpose of life, the fact remains that the true definition of a "soul mate" is a "goal mate." When two people ultimately share the same life purpose, they will share the same priorities, values and goals - and that is the foundation of a strong and happy marriage.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Wake Up

Here are two sefarim that are pertinent to our days as was when it was written in early America.


Note the excellent usage of the English language to express Torah values.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Cover the Secret

For those interested, here is a nifty little program I found, that blocks ads, naughty pictures, spyware ect. I find it easy to use and to filter out a lot of the shmutz. (It is becoming painful for my eyes to constantly see nude women. It is too blinding. Especially when they are animated. I want to just grab a fly swatter and swat them to never-never land, anywhere, as long as it is out of my scope of vision. I really enjoy looking at women, I do, when they are based in reality.)