Saturday, August 20, 2005

Looks are Everything?

Happy Tu'BeAv. How can I not mention this romantic holiday. Thank G-d I am dating and have no need to go searching for parties to crash. I think I am beginning to understand the saying of Chazal, Pas Besalo, bread in the basket. When a man has a wife he doesn't think about doing promiscuous things. He is content with what he has because he know he can get it when ever he needs it. He is not looking around. I have been thinking long and hard about the philosophy of "looks" and what makes men attracted to good looking women. I still have not managed to come to a satisfactory understanding. Plain and simple, good looking women are sexy. They hold a better promise for pleasure. No logical argument can overturn a lustful feeling. It is a phenominon that is mysterious and uncomprehensible. Good looking people, statistically, are richer, happier, and smarter than the average yukel. I wonder if beautiful people realize they are beautiful. Any gorgeous looking girls out there? Do you know if you are gorgeous and that men want your beauty, and do you use it for your advantage to flirt and get what you want? Do you flaunt your beauty or do you try to hide it? Do you think you are better at pleasuring a men because of your "assets"? Do you expect more from men finanically, emotionally, ect. because you were given the gift of beauty from G-d? I would love to hear your opinions.


Blogger Semgirl said...

You made some valid points. However, I must warn you. Not trying to scare you, but I have some married friends that are overweight and of average looks, yet they have sensational marriages. Then I know some ladies that are real knock-outs, that have severe Shalom Bayis problems, because they are very selfish and self-centered. Quite oftem very attractive girls (and boys), depend on that and dont work on their middos and personality. I'm happy to hear that your Shidduch is going well.

12:08 AM  
Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

In the beginning of time, when everything was more primitive, men who could hunt and protect were desired and women who could bear healthy sons and nurture them were desired. So, it was strong man who can bring home animal and woman with wide-hips (baby-bearing) and large chests (baby-nurturing) who were prime choices. As time went by, necessities in society changed and along with it changed what is most desirable.

"Good looking people, statistically, are richer, happier, and smarter than the average yukel."
It's possible that people with more smarts are able to get more wealth and know how to use some of it to stay looking good. Just a theory, of course...

And lastly, yes. Good-looking people know they're good-looking. And sometimes, people assume that gorgeous girls don't have anything more because it's so easy for them to get what they want just by smiling. Being gorgeous isn't always easy when you have even more behind it. :) Not that I'd know...

2:34 AM  
Blogger EN said...

Semgirl-I agree with you whole heartedly.

"Not that I'd know..."

Is that because you are ugly but smart, or beautiful but dumb?
Just kidding, of course, I'm sure you are both smart and beautiful...not that I'd know...;).

9:07 AM  
Blogger Daphna said...

First of all, my apologies to those who are more observant, and who will be offended...but I think a reality check is in order here.

For heaven's sake EN, would you please stop going on about how LOOKS make a person better in bed. Let's call a spade a spade: you probably have no idea what actually makes a person more sexually skilled because your experience is (I hope) slim to none. And no, reading porn sites does not qualify as experience.

Suffice it to say that there is a hell of a lot more to sex than just looking at the person. (If you think otherwise, that is an indication that YOU are going to be lousy in bed--nothing is more of a turn-off than men that basically use your body as sort of aid to their getting off and not much more beyond that). And when push comes to shove, the advantages of a good looking person in bed are similar to that to a good looking person in any profession--the face may open doors, but if there is nothing behind it (skill/ passion/ etc)... the advantage fades quickly. If you were planning on dating someone who was *not* religious, I might think differently; an attractive girl very well may have attracted more attention, and amassed more experience. But you are talking about seminary girls who (one presumes) have no experience what really is the difference between the gorgeous one and the plain one?

Gorgeous girls can be frigid and plain girls can be wildly passionate so stop connecting beauty with sexual prowess. And while you are at it, stay away from the porn sites--they are totally f**king with your mind and you are putting yourself in real danger of making bad choices based on lies and nothingness.

4:39 PM  
Blogger Moiy-rah said...

EN, i hear your resoning, but whatever you do, dont settle. When you get engaged to a girl, you have to think she is just perfect, even though in your heart of hearts you know that she is not. If you dont find her attractive, either fix your brain, or speak to a rabbi. If that still doesnt help, then why are you going out with her?

I know people who got married even though they werent completly happy, cuz they didnt think they could do better. THey are all divorced now, or have horrible marriges.

With all this, i'm not saying be stupid and look at trivialities. Be realistic, and honest with yourself. If something bothers you dont ignore it. Dont jump into things, although its hard, try to think rationally.

Pretty people may have it easier, but beauty is all subjective. I think what makes a girl pretty and sexy is confidence. Almost any girl can look pretty, but self confidence shows through it all. It shows in teh walk, and how one carries herself. And that is more important.

I often feel sorry for girls who are 'wow' pretty cuz often they are used for their looks, and people cant see beyond it. People assume they are shallow, and really 'sheker hachien v'hevel hayofi'. When it comes down to it, what are the good looks anyways? they are nothing. A guy marries a good looking girl, and after a year the good looks, he gets bored of her. Then what? Yes, looks definitly make a differnce, and i will be the first one to admit that. I am very picky with a guys looks. But, with all that, looks arent everything. It can be a positive factor to the marrige, but it cant be what your marrige is based on.

wow, i have no clue where that all came from ,but i hope it helps. :) good luck

6:56 PM  
Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

Daphna--AMEN! Plus, EN, if you ever have sex with the lights off looks make NO difference whatsoever! Plus, sometimes the better looking a person is, the higher others' expectations of her are and afraid to underperform, the girl will freeze up and not do anything or let you see anything. You really have no idea how anything works, it really is mostly about chemistry.

Moiy--"When you get engaged to a girl, you have to think she is just perfect,"
No way! Don't be should know what her faults are and love them, too. The best thing anyone ever told me was, "you're not perfect, but your quarks are lovable!"

7:48 PM  
Blogger Frum Singles said...

You have to be realistic. lokos are very important both to guys and girls. You have to find your date sexually appealing or you will not have a happy marriage

12:36 PM  
Blogger RuchniGashmi said...

A lot of thought provoking replies here. This whole conversation is subjective and everyone is right to some degree. No, a hot shallow girl may not be great in bed for a deeper more passionate guy but to a shallow good looking guy who is only concerned with getting off she might just be perfect. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I was once madly in love with a girl who most of my friends though wat ugly. I didn't think so.

But, let's face it, we are all brought up in an image conscious society and to deny oneself a beautiful mate is wrong. I always give this advice- If you are going out with a person who you don't deem attractive and it bothers you then there is no sense continuing. No mate will be perfect and if a girl or a guy has "everything" but you are bothered by their appearance then believe in yourself and in God that another good looking guy or girl with "everything" is out there. (I am about to break up with someone whom I don't deem to be attractive but seems to have "everything".)

9:39 AM  

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