Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Ulitimate Bond

Wow! I have just read the post on Jewish Issues Cheating Spouses with all 74 comments, lol. Seems like Aaron opened a large can of worms. I would like to write down some of my thoughts that came up while reading it. The issues of cheating on a spouse or on a marriage or any relationship, as most things, are relative to the people involved and their perspectives they are looking from. Having started a new "relationship" with a girl recently I think I can sort of relate to the feelings at hand. This is my take on the issue. It has been bothering me, with my habit to look at porn and chatting, to feel that I am sort of cheating on my new relationship. What are the guidelines? How long is innaporriate to look at a passing girl? What skirt length is considered tznius to look at and what is deriving enjoyment that is assur? The face is mutur to talk too, but how long the conversation? When I start feeling an erection? When I lean closer to see the perfect face? Can I brush my hands with the cashier girl? It was only for a second and she didn't even notice. Can I chat with an unmarried girl if I am married to "help" her be happy? Can I leave a message on a blog which belongs to a member of the opposite sex? E-mail? I had a teacher who told me the "look but don't touch rule". He unforutnitally was Jewish. The funny thing was, I actually had a crush on his daughter. She was very cute. After seeing so many naked women, will seeing another hurt my realtionship more? Will I actually burn more in Hell? I feel I've seen every possible lewd act that is out there. Can I now go and work in a Seminary? As an Ob/Gyn? As far as I know, the issur of shemiras eyayim applys to everyone no matter how old. A married friend told me he thinks it is posible that if I don't see any girls for a year I will love the ugliest girl. It is possible to stock up on sexual enjoyment and share it with the right person. Is looking at other women besides my wife, who is not beautiful, causing me to not appreciate her, or what's the difference, she is ugly anyway. I think it all depends on attitude. A marriage is something to be built up. Sexual frustrations should be spoken out to a spouse. There should not be anything hidden when it comes to sex. I even think Halacha will agree with me. The gemara says a man should try to convince his wife to have relations with him, never to do it by force. He should appease her in any way. He should talk with her for as long as possible until she is ready, and she should be pleasured first. Respect is the key. The Tanna who hid under the bed of his Rebbi to see how to act during relations heard him speak with his wife for a long time about things he normally wouldn't speak about and that would be considered narishkeit. Communication is immparative, esspecially regarding a physical realtionship. A man should tell his wife what he wants and a woman should speak up as well to say what she doesn't want. I think that is all part of a healthy relationship. If someone think that they can't get something they want from marriage, let us say his wife is a niddah, or is not attractive enough, or is too demanding, it pays to try to work it out. Happiness comes from within. Not only with money, but even sexual gratification. It is not easy. Nothing important is. Aizehu Ashier? Hasameach Bechelko. When a man and woman stand under the canopy it is a promise to communicate and accept the jewel that Hashem has given, the good and the bad. The trick is, get the best one before you give the ring.


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4:01 PM  

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