I am Sucked!
I have questions and I want answers. I am dissatisfied and dismayed at myself and my blog. I look at my posts and I say to myself, this is postworthy?! This is rubbish! My views and opinion are one of a couple billion in the world. Am I crazy for writing them? I believe what I believe and I post for myself to reduce stress. But there comes a time when I am disgusted with myself. Other Yeshivish people look at my blog and see a rebelling Yeshivah Bochur. Non-Jews read my blog and they say to themselves, what a wacko. Girls read my blog and say, what a chauvinistic person, and a sexual predator at that. There is no way to please everyone. I can't even please myself. Where is my honor? Where is the Kavod I deserve? Of course this is all a theoretical question because I don't want you to see my face blushing red. I am embarrassed I want this honor. But I can't deny that I feel a need for it. I crave for it. I want the world to bow at my feet. I want to be complimented on my humor, my intelligence, and my physique. I want to get everything when I want it. I am upset now. I am really fuming. I am frothing at the lips. My anger is bursting forth. Why? Why? Why? ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
*sticks thumb in mouth*
*whimper*
posted by EN at 12:18 AM
5 Comments:
Your post is reminiscent of one of my favorite movies that I recently watched - the Disney version of "Robin Hood." Little King John displays a very similar attitude as that portrayed in your post.
I think it is very normal to want honor and attention (I have been going through some of the same myself lately, and been very upset with myself about it also), but I think it is a challenge to work through and help you grow as a person to realize that honor comes from within. Good luck and keep posting - your writing is never harmful or mean, and it is a good outlet for you.
Have a great day!
B"H
There is, to my mind, nothing wrong with wanting to be admired, provided it is for the right reasons, and surely what constitues "right" has many interpretations. Admiration of ones writing validates talent and motivates one to write more and better. Will there be criticism? Always. To reconcile the heart with the self, and with the ego of that self, is and always will be a trial. An unsolicited piece of advice from the maven of self-deprecation: don't be so hard on yourself!
Hmmm...you're not a sexual predator or a chauvinist, to my mind. The only issue I have with you is that you've posted Heshy in your links under "Torah True." Completely inaccurate, in my opinion. Other than that, write on!
Chana-I do not agree with all of his views, especially those against women *smile*. I just put him on the list because I just dicovered it and want to see what he has to say.
About the honor thing, just keep trying to grow and honor will follow.
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