Stranded in Time

Most of the day I feel like I need some alcohol to give me a boost. Inebriation is great for ispiration. It really can get the grey cells churning. It is a cure all. It removes pain physically and mentally. It can be applied topically and internally. It can be used for warmth and medicine. It can be used to heat up a relationship for good and for bad. It can make or break a marriage. A simcha is never complete without some Crown Royal. A Vort is a failure if there is no booze. A baby is intrduced to wine at a very young age-8 days old by his bris. It removes the pain right away. No, make that earlier by the Shalom Zachor he is shtupped a bit of leftover beer. Shabbos is all about the wine. So is Pesach. Why I am I rambling about intoxication? Oh right, I was saying how I could use a beer. Isn't it funny how all the commercials promote beer and peanuts, what's up with that? Are they in chohoots? Do they love getting us fat when we watch the super bowl? Anyway getting back to the main topic, I need a beer to celibrate (that word looks like celibate-you know what priests do, celibacy, what is the write spelling?) I have been interviewed for a day camp job (yaaay). I am useful! Some little kids can now whine at me to buy them a soda and whip, make that wipe, their behind.
Also in other good news, Brooklyn College acknowledged receptance of my application papers. Woo-hoo! They won't have an answer for me if I am accepted officially for another 4-6 weeks. I am siting on pines and needles. It is time for my daily jog to burn off my beer belly. I heard it is not condusive nor conductive to attract girls. Some say it is actually a repelant and a reflector. I tend to say, take all of me or none of me. Love handles are sexy.