Tuesday, July 19, 2005

To work on selfishness

I find myself many times looking over my shoulder at friends who have made it "big" in life. People who are the same age as me, same upbringing, similar backrounds. Then I turn around and this one is married with kids. This one just bought a house. This one finished college and is a doctor or lawyer. This one finished Shas by 22. I look at myself and I wonder where am I headed. What have I done with my life. Why do I seem to be stuck in a quagmire of quicksand. Why haven't I done anything productive? Why am I the one blogging and they are the ones getting it on in the "Real world"?
Hate

9 Comments:

Anonymous Chana said...

It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one's enemies. It is the successes of one's friends that are hard to bear.

~Oscar Wilde

-----

Too true- I agree. But you have already mentioned at least one fascinating thing you have accomplished- you are a Sofer. How many people can say that? Speaking of which, perhaps you'd like to check out Soferet. Enjoy.

Wishing you much luck...

5:46 PM  
Blogger EN said...

chana- thank you for the quote. Hmmm, I have seen her website before. (I do search the internet for my hobby ;-) )
I don't want to seem like chavenist, however a woman according to halachah CANNOT write a Torah that can be used. It must be buried becuase it might accidentaly be used and it is not kosher. She might be a great artist, however what she is doing is not in accordance to halachah. :-(
If she would have stuck to writing kesubas and art it would have been ok, but once she stepped the boundary of Halachah I lose all respect for her. Sorry. :-(

7:36 PM  
Blogger EN said...

She writes on her blog that she follows all the Halachos. However, one of the most basic sefarim on safrus The Keset Hasofer, which was written by the author of the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, which is accepted by EVERY sofer and Rav, says explicit in the first chapter second paragraph a child, goy and woman may NOT write s"tam. No one argues on him. No one can and no one will.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Chana said...

Ah, worry not...I know the Halakha and agree with you. (Really, I do.) I simply thought you might find it intriguing. Even the comparison between a woman's and a man's handwriting...can you tell the difference, so on and so forth...

*smiles*

11:03 PM  
Blogger Daphna said...

May G-d judge you exactly as you have judged the soferet.

Seriously, I have noticed before that you are very quick to cast judgement on others. If a woman is not willing to marry a Torah Scholar and live in penury the rest of her days, she is selfish and clearly has no midot and has f*cked up priorities. If a woman breaks a halacha she is some vile creature unworthy of your respect. Just because you acknowledge that something is not according to halacha, does that give you the right to "lose all respect" for another human being???? A murderer, a really evil person, okay, I can understand. But someone who is, in her own way, devoted to the Torah? (Here is a thought--sofrut is in an area where you have some acheivement--do you perceive her as being more talented than you? I honestly don't know--I have not looked at her blog and I do not intend to since I have no basis for judging. What I know about the art would fill 1/2 a sheet of lined paper. If I wrote really, really big.)

I bring this up not to be obnoxious, but because I suspect that it is both a sign and a cause of your current unhappiness. Listen, we all tend to judge, and particulary when we are disatisfied with our own lives. I am equally as guilty and furthermore, I really don't try to fight this in myself, so I am doubly guilty! But you *can* work on it, so here is a good rule of thumb: Being jealous of others will not bring them down. Being contemptuous of others will not bring you up. If you think of others in a more caring, respectful, understanding, and accepting way, you will probably find that you can accept yourself as well, wherever you are in life.

Each one of us has our own path, with our own timelines. You are on your path. If you are at a certain point, there is a reason. The same is true of the Soferet. (Whether I buy into this or not is irrelevant; I know that you do! And what is the point of having faith if you ignore it when you need it?)

And finally, regarding where your friends are--a lot of this stuff evens out in the end. I remember feeling the same way when I saw my friends who started college at 18 when I only started at 22. I felt so terribly behind. Now, at 35, it so does not matter. We all have our degrees, and I would not exchange my experiences for the world. Relax a bit boychik--you are doing fine.

4:04 AM  
Blogger EN said...

Daphna- I am not casting judgement on soferet. I understand she has diffrent tests in life and she has her own ideas about what is right and wrong. What I can't understand is the hypocracy. She says she follows all the halachos, at the same time she is breaking them! The fact that a woman can't write a Torah doesn't mean that woman are bad or lower in g-d/mans eyes. She has low self-esteem. She doesn't understand why she is wrong. She is rebelling. For thousands of years there was no such thing as a woman writing Torahs, punkt, in the year 2003 she decides to be progressive and write a Torah! Even if it is permitted, why does she have to be different? Where is her common sense? Can't she be happy with who she is and not try to be someone she is not? Someone she can't be?! I am definitally not jealous of her. I fel sorry for her, she brings up pity. She is so talented and is wasting it becuase she is sorry she wasn't born a man. I know who I am, but she doesn't seem to realize who she is.

11:45 AM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

The grass is greener on the other side!!

See my post entitled " Trading Places?! NO WAY!"

the ones u think are getting ahead, may just be quite behind you!

Peace1

NJ from NJ

11:54 AM  
Blogger Daphna said...

Hmmmm....sounds like judging to me. And it still sounds like you are using her to build up your own ego. Okay, so you feel sorry for her blah blah blah.

How does that change what YOU have accomplished?

10:00 AM  
Blogger EN said...

daphna-It doesn't change one iota of what I accomplished. Nothing. If she didn't exisit I would be who I am. I am a person who follows the Halacha plain and simple. In "my" halacha which is based on people who have learned the entire Torah thoroughly and in depth, it says a woman should not write a sefer torah. I truly do not know who she is following and what logic she is using to justify her actions. I have thousands of Talmud scholars backing me up. She might only have several at the most.

11:47 AM  

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