Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Earthly Bound

I got angry today, which is totally NOT me. I really let it go this time. The lesson I learnt, at least, was that there is hashgocho protis, even though we can't see that now.
I tutored a boy that I tutor during the week. It was suppose to be two boys but I only tutored one because the other one didn't pay me for the last two times I tutored him. I don't even know if he knows he is suppose to pay me. I hate it when the finances are not discussed beforehand and the contract signed in triplets. I know, I should be nice and do it because it is a mitzvah, but I am tired of being taken advantage of. I want my money up front and paid in full when I complete my service. I don't even charge an exorbant amount. Is the $6 for 1/2 hour I charge too much to pay that day?! I have things I want to buy, like a coffee and a bagel in the morning and that is the only money I get. Who should I blame, myself? Hashem? The boy? His parents? Noone is at fault here, everyone else thinks something else. I didn't even speak to the boy's parents, just the principal said we'll work it out. I feel like I did something naughty by not staying. But I'm standing my ground. My time is valuable. You want it, you pay for it.
Also in regards to my summer job, I have to call up this lawyer that my Rabbi hooked me up with to get a summer job. I have no idea of the details. I want to learn something so I feel as if he is doing me a favor by letting me work there. Would it be chutzpah for me to ask him if he is going to pay me? I need him more than he needs me. He is giving me experience. I am not even sure what the job entails. I want to see if I can learn to be a paralegal and if I like the environment. Besides, I have nothing else to do in the summer. I am too old for camp and I want to learn something to make a career and not just a quick-fix to make a couple of bucks. I can't go to college because it costs too much since I am out of town and it will take to long to learn something and to be in yeshiva. This job is my only and final chance to learn something and stay in this yeshiva. Otherwise, I am going home at the end of succos zeman and going to full time college. I don't even know what I can learn by being in a law firm for a few months. Am I wasting my time? Should I quit now and go home, and save the tuition my parents are paying the yeshivah? I have racked my brains for a solution but none has been forthcoming. I suppose I will call him up and throw myself at his feet begging for something, anything he can do for me, even if I wont make a dime. I am afraid if I speak up he will call my bluff and say sorry we don't need you. You are unexperienced and can not be an asset for this firm. Would it be arrogant of me to tell him and assume as if I think he will pay me and see the out come? I just don't know. I am scared to even pick up the phone.


Blogger ClooJew said...

1. Don't be afraid. Ever. Fear only G-d.

2. It's a long life. If you work hard you will, lulei demistafina, figure enough out to get the job done.

3. Be hard on yourself, but not so hard that you fall apart.

4. Do what you want to do. Don't let people (ugh) push you around.

12:56 PM  
Blogger EN said...


1:05 PM  

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