Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Long Wait

I would like to vent about my situation in shidduchim. I never really have done it before on paper. Or in this case, blogger. I first state, 1) I am a human male. 2) I am single. 3) I have an almost obsessive compulsion to want to get "hooked up". 4) I rarely see, let alone talk to a female, during the course of my current lifetime (in the 20's and still counting). The pleasant few moments that I have spent in the company of a female was enjoyable emotionally and unexplicabally. I can not describe the feeling of satisfaction, and completeness that I have found in looking and talking to a live, jewish, female of marriagable age. It is like a light was turned on in my life and that all my worries were over. Until it ended. She left, she said, "no". It may be I am not mature enough to understand what marriage is about. I thank g-d that I did not get stuck to someone who in a few years would decide she hates me and leave me with a divorce bill. Maybe I am naieve when I think all girls are nice and have good middos. How is it possible to look beyond a pretty face and to see the deepness and love a girl will have to carry me through this life? Someone who will grow with me spiritually and emotionally. Commitment to each other and to love. Girls are cuddly and soft. Is that all what makes them girls? Or is there something beyond that softness that I can enjoy and grow from? Do we have to have physical contact to feel complete, or something emotional and spiritual as well? I wait while Hashem forms me and my basheret till we can meet in both body and soul. Thank you hashem. I believe she is there. When can I see her with my eyes?

11 Comments:

Blogger Moiy-rah said...

why have you never spoken to girls besides for in shidduchim?
no sisters?

9:08 PM  
Blogger EN said...

only one, and she's too young

10:43 PM  
Blogger Shopaholic said...

Just wanted to comment, I was very impressed with the comment you wrote on moiy-rah's blog "Respecting the person you marry". I'm a friend of hers and I have been trying to tell her that for so long, It was great to see it from a guys perspective. "Working doesn't mean not learning torah and learning doesn't mean not working. It all depends where a guy's mind is." That is EXACTLY what priorities means. The only problem is, is that this requires a certain amount of maturity (which most guys dont have much of)!

11:30 PM  
Blogger EN said...

It is hard to keep the mind focused. Hashem made it that way to give us a nisayon. I know my mind wanders. But I pray daily it shouldn't affect me. You may be right that I think to much, but it is hard in my situation to do anything else. I wish I has someone to lead me the right way. The right way is always the hardest. I need a push sometimes. I wish girls understood this. It is frustrating to be among boys all the time. Sometime I need a womanly touch(not only physically but mentally as well). Mistakes happen, can we overlook them a few times and give a chance to correct them? Must we be so stubborn to have everything perfect? I am happy, but I am being stiffled. I want to embrace it and I do..but the waiting never goes away. Priorities change over time, what is important today might not be the same tommorrow. But some priorities should never change such as Torah, and the family. Am I making sense? I believe so. I wish a woman would corroberate that she likes my believe too. It is nice to have back up. Especially when it comes from a cute girl and has a nice smile and eyes.

12:14 AM  
Blogger survivor said...

en, i just decided to check your blog & see if you started posting, & was delighted to find that you have!! i will have to read the rest of your posts another time, since i've got to get to bed (2 big tests tomorrow :()
as far as shidduchim... to use your words, it does at times feel like a really "long wait," but i'm positive that there's a really wonderful and special girl out there for you... someday the wait will be well worth it.

12:42 AM  
Blogger Fraggle said...

I understand the process of finding a partner. I have a friend who chose to be more Observant than she was raised and went the route of a Shidduch. I however am a LONG story, but I feel that it is best for me to find someone on my own. I think that either way works and it just depends on what kind of a person you are.

A shidduch can work if that is what you want and if you can see yourself with the match that is given to you. Just don't rush into it and think that it is the only way to do things. There is nothing wrong with talking to females or making friends. Otherwise G-d would have made a world full of single-sexed human beings. :)

10:47 PM  
Blogger EN said...

Fishtix- to me, shidduchim is the only way I will ever see or talk to a girl. If you have any advice on where to get a phone number of a girl that would be willing to be my friend and give a listening ear and appreciate me for who I am, that would be appreciated. I am not afraid to talk to girls, they just seem to run away when I approuch them (and I'm not even so bad looking!)

11:22 PM  
Blogger Fraggle said...

I know a few girls, but they are finishing their year study in Israel right now. I am also not qualified to give out phone numbers. But I am sure when you least expect it, a girl will pop into your life. :)

7:55 PM  
Blogger brianna said...

En, I am impressed. You genuinely have the right idea. Too many men think of women of mentally inferior objects of their pleasure. You are aware that your want for female attention is physical, but it's far more than that too.

"The pleasant few moments that I have spent in the company of a female was enjoyable emotionally and unexplicabally. I can not describe the feeling of satisfaction, and completeness that I have found in looking and talking to a live, jewish, female of marriagable age."

Wow. Wow. You actually truly want a real relationship. Meeting in both body and soul. You are idealistic, but that's a good thing.

However, there's one thing I may as well inform you of: "all girls are nice and have good middos" - that's just simply not true. It's an unfortunate fact.

In any case, I think you're a really great guy. You have a deep level of respect for women, and your wife will recognize and apreciate that when the time comes. Good luck on your journey and remember that she is out there.

11:05 PM  
Blogger EN said...

Thank you all for your kind words.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

Wow! What you wrote here is truly impressive!
I hope your beshert gets to meet you soon!

4:33 AM  

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