Guilty Good Feelings

I want to be accepted. I want honor, I want to become famous, I want the world to bow at my feet and tell me, "we love you, we will give you everything and anything you desire", yes, everything, especially, you know... Why do I feel this? I know, it's thinking deep and I should just move on to something else, like becoming a doctor or engineer or architect but it wont get rid of my thoughts. Guilt, or self awareness, I think it's called in layman's terms. I am bored. Why am I waiting for something that I can't get? How do I measure accomplishment? When should I feel happy about myself and what I am? When I feel good about myself I feel bad. Does anyone have any suggestion on what can make me feel satisfied? Why is blogging making me feel satisfied? Is it a worthless endevore because it will not last? I am capable of doing much more if I was just given the chance. Should I ask g-d to give me the chance? And why does he not answer with the results I want in this world? Why must my brain be tortured like this? Will it ever rest? Why does goodness overweigh badness and what makes us feel good is better than bad? Feeling good is the ultimate or is being good the ultimate and who is to decide? Love of hashem, I believe will conquer all. Does someone disagree and why?