Friday, May 20, 2005

Guilty Good Feelings

I want to be accepted. I want honor, I want to become famous, I want the world to bow at my feet and tell me, "we love you, we will give you everything and anything you desire", yes, everything, especially, you know... Why do I feel this? I know, it's thinking deep and I should just move on to something else, like becoming a doctor or engineer or architect but it wont get rid of my thoughts. Guilt, or self awareness, I think it's called in layman's terms. I am bored. Why am I waiting for something that I can't get? How do I measure accomplishment? When should I feel happy about myself and what I am? When I feel good about myself I feel bad. Does anyone have any suggestion on what can make me feel satisfied? Why is blogging making me feel satisfied? Is it a worthless endevore because it will not last? I am capable of doing much more if I was just given the chance. Should I ask g-d to give me the chance? And why does he not answer with the results I want in this world? Why must my brain be tortured like this? Will it ever rest? Why does goodness overweigh badness and what makes us feel good is better than bad? Feeling good is the ultimate or is being good the ultimate and who is to decide? Love of hashem, I believe will conquer all. Does someone disagree and why?

3 Comments:

Blogger lost99 said...

I disagree. With what, you ask? About belief in Hashem conquering all. I was brought up relegious and it has brought me nothing in life. Faith didn't save me at all. Sad.

8:46 PM  
Blogger EN said...

That is because you didn't believe. (not that I am judging you, sometimes I feel the same way).

11:13 PM  
Blogger Fraggle said...

>>>Does anyone have any suggestion on what can make me feel satisfied?<<<

Yes. You have to accept that you are a man who has his own abilities, limits, dreams, and goals. You cannot be more than you are, and you have to accept your life as it is. You need to be comfortable with where you are, and if not, change it.

(I had a friend who felt like you did, when he found a girlfriend he stopped thinking so much) hehehe

>>>Why is blogging making me feel satisfied?<<<

It makes you satisfied because it allows you to reach beyond the culture/society you live in. This allows you to vent, reach out, and ask questions without the threat of disapproval or revealing your identity.

8:05 PM  

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