Comfort Zone

Looking back on my day, I have this dual feeling of satisfaction and despondency . I know that seem like a contradiction because if I am happy then why am I sad? My thoughts reflect my feeling that I know I accomplished something, but the uncertainty of not knowing if I did the best I can gnaws in the depths of my mind. Could I have achieved more today? Did I do the best? And the answer filters back, that, no, you (I) could have done better. I discussed with my chavrusa issues that seemed to me as poshut, but I was surprised at the answers that came out of my mouth. It was as if I said something and believed the opposite. Communication is important. Closeness with other humans is a basic necessity. So why do I feel alone? My imagination is imagining things. I can't stand it. I need the security of knowing that there is what I want without the guilt. It exisits in theory but not physically. Somehow knowing it doesn't comfort me.