Shalom al Yisrael

Words on paper. What do they represent? Am I communicating what I think I am when I type out these words, or is every person understanding it differently? I am having serious doubts as to the usefulness of me blogging. I started blogging because it was interesting to read what goes on in other peoples minds, who knows what I would learn. I don't deny that I have learned a lot, but I am in doubt if it was worth all the negative information I have subconciously recieved. Reading what others wrote has a downside because of the possiblility of falseness and detrimental information that is not true and might cause me to think negatively. Does the gains outway the loses? I feel when I read other blogs and I comment on them that if they are me. I fantasize about being in another person situation or body. My wants are reflected in what others are living. I want too much or not enough. It is enought to drive a person insane. I believe any information I can get from reading blogs I can get from the Torah. My goal in life is to do the will of g-d which includes to be a happy person. And happiness can only come from within. Friends have told me I am starting of into space, and he suspects it is because of what I read in the blogs. I need a reality check. Reality and fantacy are merging into one. I want to live and not be a fake. If I be hurt, so be it. I must take the plunge. I believe this is what g-d wants of me. Although it is good to learn from everone, blogs are just words that conveys ideas and concepts that I can get from the true sourse, and the pleasure I get from reading into other peoples minds will have to come froma different hobby. it was fun being in blogland. But now it is time to get serious. I don't think that I could write anything of use to help someone that is outhtere. And if I ever decide to want to write something that could help someone I would write it in a book and publish it. I wonder if hashgacho protis also applies to finding the right blog to read at the right time. Honestly, I have no idea. Is there hashgocho in reading and the responses in the comments? If there is, I believe hashem will send the lessons I need to get from someone else. If I am doing it leshem shamaiyim. I want to give others helpful information. There are many ways. If I am mesupak if blogging is detrimental then hashem doesn't want me to go there. Do I know certainly? no, but I am going to give a try. I have nothing to lose except the pleasure of looking into someone elses mind/ideas. I have tried to quit before and it lasted a short while I hope I can keep it this time for longer. It is nice "meeting" other personalities in cyberspace, but do I learn so much that it should keep me ocuppied for hours at a time or could that time be spent on other useful things? My priorites are Torah and family. I pray to hashem I find them.