Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Family Guy

There are so many new ideas that are flashing through my mind. There is power when I am able to speak what I want, *hehehe*. I know, that sounds like a witch kackling, but it is bring back childhood memories of reading the "Witches Cauldraun". Ooof, I wish I could get it out of my head! Those child stories have perverted my mind beyond repair :( . Well, on to nicer thoughts. An update on the DAF. Yes, I have been up to date, *I think*. You know what-I am beginning to realize I think to much and not do much. I better watch my verbs. Which reminds me, I was giving my mother some reference numbers of a girl to check out and I was reminding her of somethings to ask about, (because she is clueless in knowing what to ask), and I mentioned, you know, "someone that I can have FUN with". She blew her top. "Your not ready for marriage, marriage is not for fun.....ect. ect." I was stunned and hurt. What did I say wrong?! I was just reminding her to make sure the girl was pleasant to be around and not someone who was mean and angry and depressed (I can take care of that in the marriage ;) ). She calls my sister o the phone and says to her, "explain it to him, he doesn't get it". So I tell her what happend and she says to me FUN is what teenagers have, like go to clubs and hang out. Marriage is SOOO much more serious. I tell her, "your crazy", (I don't know if I used such foul language but that is what is coming up on my brain screen). "FUN is an all inclusive word, it means everything included, of course I am not looking to have a good time. I am looking for a serious marriage minded mate who wants to remain married for life." She then tells me these words I'll never forget. "Nothing is implied". "You want something, you speak it out and noone will understand you until you do." That hurt. I want people to instantly understand what I want when I am thinking it. I HATE talking. Until now. I realize I must think what I want and then use the best words possible to describe the right ideas and concepts. Because in the end, what I speak (or not) is what I think. This is why we are human and this is the Soul that G-d put into us. A Ruach Memallela, a talking spirit as Unkolos Teiches it.
While on the subject of the shidduch, I must confess I have never had to deal with such a delema before. This particular girl is from out of town and she has agreed to fly in for a few dates. While I am flattered that she is willing to shell out money to initially see me, this presents many forseeable and unforseeable problems. This means it is going to be hard for me to say no because I feel bad she is spending money, and it means I will have to fly to her town if it works out, which forces me to spend money and decide how to get around her town and all the hassles it brings....and it might not even work out. I don't know if I should stick to local girls or am I "throwing away my besheret" if I don't respond to this shidduch. (It's not like I have lists and list of girls waiting for me , I'm not the next Rosh Yeshiva or Gadol Hador, or even in Lakewood).


Blogger Moiy-rah said...

ok, chill mister.

next, i think blogging is good for you. its good to get out your thoughts in place where no one will know you or judge you.

and i really feel bad that you have to deal with such a family. Forgive me for saying so, but they seem to be so closed minded/ narrowminded people.

when i look into a guy i specifically ask if he's a "fun" guy. I want to have fun dating, and i want to have a fun marrige, and i want to have a fun life. I want to go skiing with my kids, and rolarblading with a carrige. I want to have a packed shabbos table with lively conversations. Enjoying life, and having fun does not in anyway mean that you cant own up to your responsibilities. Fun is an additude not an state of beeing.

Yes, life is serious-but at the same time, where does all the seriousness getyou?

I feel bad that you have to deal wiht such a mother. I hope she lets go soon, so you can become your own person. Its hard work, and breaking a mold isnt easy, but the satisfaction is like nothing else. You will become someone you love and respect, not someone you hated and hid.

good luck. we bloggers are here for you. One day you will be able to day "life is good, life is great, life is unbelievable!"


1:04 AM  
Blogger Miriam said...

Marriage is not for fun. What a sad way to look at it!
Of course it will be an ongoing project that you will put hard work into but if you can't have any fun in between all the sweat and tears that's just tragic.

I personally dont think someone else can make out for me wether another person is fun. This you can only find out when you meet. Falling on a banana peel is fun for some people you know...

I wouldn't worry about someone making the effort to come and see you. You seem to be a very sincere person so if it wont work out it will have a serious reason or you will also put in the effort to go to her town.

Good luck!


5:11 AM  
Blogger Malka said...

You said it yourself..."You know what-I am beginning to realize I think to much and not do much." Stop over-analyzing and meet her already! You seem to have definite ideas about what it is you want in a relationship and that's a great thing! You will no doubt be getting all kinds of relationship advice - take it with a grain of salt and, most important, always trust and listen to yourself and what's in your heart - it will always steer you in the right direction.

9:18 AM  
Blogger EN said...

Moiy-rah- I agree. But at the same time I respect my mother for wanting to lead me to happiness. I just wish there was an easier way of learning lifes lessons. *sigh*

Miriam-Thank you for your vote of confidence, it really goes a long way.

Malka- From your comments it seems like you have an upbeat personality. I wish I could meet you in person to recieve firsthand more of your pearls of wisdom. (alas, I guess I can only learn from your blog).

7:39 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

I think your mother's reaction, as you describe it, is, lulei demistafina, severe. Marriage should not be so dry that fun has no place.

Additionally, EVERYTHING is implied. Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal. So we are constantly saying things even when we are not SAYING things.

1:00 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Also, rule-of-thumb: The girl who flies in from out of town is entitled to a second date regardless. Beyond that, there should be, lulei demistafina, no lingering (ugh) guilt.

1:02 PM  

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